boohoo...

i feel like crying... can i hav happy tears???

needing some time to think...

emo day.....

sick again.... caught a cold... must be the drizzle during the weekends... plus my face is not flaking.. its molting.. already cfm is sunburn.... most likely due to tat day spray car.... under the sun like 1hr plus.... sebei emo...

just book my next appt for dental... omg.. end of the month... faint... wait till neck long lor... and gonna extract another 4 teeth.. woohoo~~ high sia...

read sth today... made me think.. which is better... to get married or enjoy the endless period of a simple boy/ger relationship.....

needing some time to think...

shopping list..... urgh....

this is the list tat nv ends... it keeps on going on my fr... sebei sian... got more things to buy.. or in this case.... maybe buying.... camera... lappy.... hav to get a bag also.... oh ya... and paint for my room... y the things i wanna buy is always so expensive or difficult to get one... urgh..... nvm... sitex coming end of the month... shall window shop.... see got any good IT deals or not... or maybe not buying any of them at all.... not really a must lah....

all my weekends are book with some sort of event.... omg... y suddenly like so busy one... lol... oggie lah... at least got sth to do... now hav to think when shd i paint my room... sianZz.. hav to move everything again.... think hav to get it over and done with within 2 days.. or else gonna be hell....

shall ponder all these things for awhile... see wat is best ba....

needing some time to think...

Zzz....

250... 250.... 250... hmmm... shd i... shd i... shd i.... ponder... ponder.. ponder...

needing some time to think...

randomness....

i dun think its anything wrong posting sth tat random in fb.. dun know y u need to 'wat' me so loud and ask me y i type such things... already said random... if u wan u can go comment sth random also....

i dun like calling for one hr plus.. just to hold on the phone and say nth... nth at all... if so i dun see the point of 'waiting' everyday till the nite comes....

yea.... mood swing... blame it on the double cheese burger since itsa beef... ima being 'bullish'....

sidenote: dun wanna take my meds anymore.... screw my pimples.... screw my face... screw my hormones.... no freaking point in taking them anyway... waste effort, time and lui....

needing some time to think...

home..

reach hm like near one.... wow.... over slpt... dar gonna be half dead tml at work liao... not a bad weekend... the rain saved our lungs also.. wahahha...

been slpy for the past 2 days... must be the med... everytime take liao super drowsy... keep nodding off to dream land then back to reality again...

one thing i dun like... i dun know y dar dun wan me take pics of him.... not as though ima dumb enough to post those pics up in Fb wat... just wanna take for fun and ownself keep like also cant... haiZz... if so i shd be posting my own 'personal' pics of myself liao lor... dun wan take dun wan lor...


needing some time to think...

dumb blonde...

so yea.... took out the other side de wisdom tooth... now i can say ima dumb blonde liao... gonna be another week of 'hamburger face' syndrome... hell yea... i wan some ice cream!!~

dun understand y he dun wan my help... urgh... wats the point in all these....

needing some time to think...

long random messy redundant post....

once again.... its gonna be a jumpy post... wat to do.... the files in my metal cabinets in my mind is mess up again.. re-tagging again... means everything is gonna be linked in a bery unusual way liao...

just ytd i comment on FB tat the list of frs getting married just gotten longer again... nah.. not really stress over it le... ima just gonna let it be... but it seems the ppl around me is more concern about it... i keep receiving comments or qus over this issue.... as though they expect me to do it faster than them... wat... now they plan for my wedding also?? kinda hav a feeling they're pushing me.... which reminds me of one stupid incident with my mom(yes her again...)

my sis-in-law's bro having wedding dinner... mom wans me to go with her... when i commented i dun wan and ask elder bro to go she refuse... say not nice for him to go... on further probing then realized the reason for her arrangement is tat cos elder bro bo gf.. dun wan ppl ask... then wat... i got bf then ppl start asking no prob liao lah... sometimes really dun get her... got nth to do with me yet wan me to face such situations... alone...

another thing i was doing for the past few days is clearing my emails... i hav the habit of sorting out emails into diff folder by ppl's name... so.... kinda hav the intention of mass clean up of it... deleted alot of folders from ppl i once known... or in this case ppl who wan to make frs with me... no.... ima not trying to prove ima popular or wat... but while clearing these folders and email i noticed tat during those times i stop doing wat i wanted to do then...

yr 2000... age 16... just finish O lvls... time to enjoy tat 7 months of freedom... back then knew a few great frs... whom till now still are my buds... knowing sec sch frs are gonna head to diff tertiary schs... we all then to gather info and contacts from each other.... not wanting to lose any of these precious r/s we obtained during those few yrs in sch... it was then i thought... might as well find my pri sch frs... since only 4 yrs apart nia... so i did... found alot... found my best bud during pri sch time also.. which was hard since she moved to pasir ris during pri sch.... and the only thing i had was a photo of her....

2001... went to ite to study... still sourcing for lost frs... found my didi and ah gong.... wahaha... a few more of them... but halfway through the yr i kinda stop doing tat... maybe cos sch work is getting alot.... plus keep hitting dead ends.... kinda dun hav the mood to go on with this endless search....

2002-2004... still in ite... took one yr than usual due to personal reasons... alot of unhappiness then... totally shelf the idea of finding lost frs... it was also then i start having 'internet' frs... the typical guy wans a gf thus spamming mails period of time... got tons of such mails.. from dunno how many ppl... getting annoyed by it at the end of it.... but by the end of this period of time i knew him... he was diff i must say... tats y i went with him...

2005... age 21... adulthood... nth much to celebrate... did sth tat till now i dunno whether to regret or not... wld it be bery diff now?? i rmb i dun get to go out much... i dun get to mingle with my frs anymore... cos he was bery possessive.... and bery suspicious about almost everything... i got cut off from the outside world...

a yr later.... i found him... dun rmb how though... through friendster or wat... if the time frame is rite he shd be in army.... one more yr till ORD... i rmb he complain about the national day parade... the endless out field he has to do... feeding the mosquitos... i rmb him telling me lil incidents from pri sch... how i tortured him... how i made fun of him... i rmb laughing like crazy every single time he tell me such things cos i dun rmb them in detail.... but didnt really contact much with him since my bf then didnt like the idea of us toking....

our frship was kept like tat... brief moments of contacts... usually when both of us hav probs on our own lifes... mine with him and he with his new found job and his then gf.... think during tat 3 yrs of our life we didnt even met up more than 5 times... but we did tok on the phone... usually in the middle of the nite...

08 he ended his r/s... 09 i ended mine... and from there we got together... weird.... i knew him like for 4 yrs..... and before tat... 10 yrs no contact... in which about 4 or 5 yrs i kinda let go of the thought of finding him....

if i hav done things diffly... wld i be happier?? if i hav been persistent in my search during those 4 yrs... wld there be less suffering?? doesnt matter.. doesnt prove anything now wat.... its just tat looking back... how much time i wasted... wat a long road i walked... so many things can be avoided...

ima not deeming myself now as a failure in life.. in fact ima actually bery happy at where i am now... true there are still probs in life and i can see tat its still gonna be a long way from wat i intended to be at....

still got tons of thing to write.. but i dun think i'll do tat today le.... i'll sort my memories one subject at a time...

PS: when i found didi.. i realized his gf is also our pri sch fr... how cute is tat....

PPS: for god sakes... if wanna know when i getting married dun ask me.... ima like ready anytime... ask him instead... he is the one planning it.... urgh~

needing some time to think...

480B0A20-E5B4-26C4-005F-62E204C7FC7D

1.03.01

smile.... not....

oggie... went for my sec consult for braces... wow.. tats not the prob.. since xray was done and molding was done... now the prob is hav to go to the hospital at yishun for the extraction of my wisdom teeth... OMG... U KNOW HOW MUCH EACH TOOTH EXTRACTION COST BO!!!???

sebei sianZz now.. think my medisave also dun hav so much to pay for it.... range is like 450-600 per tooth... and i hav to get rid of all 4.... which means the amount is from 1.8k to 2.4k.... faintZz.. where to get such lui???!!!! even use medisave to pay half of the total amount i still hav to fork out another 900 to 1.2k.....

totally bo mood liao... sebei stress now....

best part is my pms is coming also.. which will add on to my irritated mood....

needing some time to think...

kitty thoughts.. scary thoughts....

hmmm.... dunno how to write... basically kinda uneasy ba... maybe cos everything is settling in le ba... or maybe cos ppl are getting married or popping babies like no body's business... or maybe ppl start asking me when when when.... like they are more gan jiong than me...

but i dun think it'll go as plan ba... lot of issues ba... dar just started in new company.... under contract.... means bo bonus...( at least he is really enjoying himself there) he also just got a new car... means heavy duty expense incurred... think his savings like left half le ba... so kinda there is no way there's enough lor... another thing is... ima getting braces... even the fastest i can be done with it is like 1.5 yrs later... can u imagine taking photo with those things on?? OMG... not gonna happen!! if tats the case might as well postpone the whole issue... copy Elaine lah.... engage first... sign later... (at least engage liao he is like 'cfm mine.... wahahahh!!~~)

another thing tat comes into mind... think i said sth similar in previous posts ba.... hav tat feeling he's hiding things... well..... not really hiding things.... kinda like maybe thinks not impt stuff no need say kinda situations.... or maybe just dun wanna say things or ppl tat i dun like to hear... if tats the case then really lor... both of us can just dun tok to each other liao... cos... nth to tok to liao mah... come to think of it.... think i also adapt to such thinking ba... things tat i find not impt or ppl which i know he dun like hearing i dun say.... tat leaves like..... na da... no topic... wahhaha....

oh well.. see how it goes ba... no point thinking about it... eventually will straighten out de lah...