dumb blonde...

so yea.... took out the other side de wisdom tooth... now i can say ima dumb blonde liao... gonna be another week of 'hamburger face' syndrome... hell yea... i wan some ice cream!!~

dun understand y he dun wan my help... urgh... wats the point in all these....

needing some time to think...

long random messy redundant post....

once again.... its gonna be a jumpy post... wat to do.... the files in my metal cabinets in my mind is mess up again.. re-tagging again... means everything is gonna be linked in a bery unusual way liao...

just ytd i comment on FB tat the list of frs getting married just gotten longer again... nah.. not really stress over it le... ima just gonna let it be... but it seems the ppl around me is more concern about it... i keep receiving comments or qus over this issue.... as though they expect me to do it faster than them... wat... now they plan for my wedding also?? kinda hav a feeling they're pushing me.... which reminds me of one stupid incident with my mom(yes her again...)

my sis-in-law's bro having wedding dinner... mom wans me to go with her... when i commented i dun wan and ask elder bro to go she refuse... say not nice for him to go... on further probing then realized the reason for her arrangement is tat cos elder bro bo gf.. dun wan ppl ask... then wat... i got bf then ppl start asking no prob liao lah... sometimes really dun get her... got nth to do with me yet wan me to face such situations... alone...

another thing i was doing for the past few days is clearing my emails... i hav the habit of sorting out emails into diff folder by ppl's name... so.... kinda hav the intention of mass clean up of it... deleted alot of folders from ppl i once known... or in this case ppl who wan to make frs with me... no.... ima not trying to prove ima popular or wat... but while clearing these folders and email i noticed tat during those times i stop doing wat i wanted to do then...

yr 2000... age 16... just finish O lvls... time to enjoy tat 7 months of freedom... back then knew a few great frs... whom till now still are my buds... knowing sec sch frs are gonna head to diff tertiary schs... we all then to gather info and contacts from each other.... not wanting to lose any of these precious r/s we obtained during those few yrs in sch... it was then i thought... might as well find my pri sch frs... since only 4 yrs apart nia... so i did... found alot... found my best bud during pri sch time also.. which was hard since she moved to pasir ris during pri sch.... and the only thing i had was a photo of her....

2001... went to ite to study... still sourcing for lost frs... found my didi and ah gong.... wahaha... a few more of them... but halfway through the yr i kinda stop doing tat... maybe cos sch work is getting alot.... plus keep hitting dead ends.... kinda dun hav the mood to go on with this endless search....

2002-2004... still in ite... took one yr than usual due to personal reasons... alot of unhappiness then... totally shelf the idea of finding lost frs... it was also then i start having 'internet' frs... the typical guy wans a gf thus spamming mails period of time... got tons of such mails.. from dunno how many ppl... getting annoyed by it at the end of it.... but by the end of this period of time i knew him... he was diff i must say... tats y i went with him...

2005... age 21... adulthood... nth much to celebrate... did sth tat till now i dunno whether to regret or not... wld it be bery diff now?? i rmb i dun get to go out much... i dun get to mingle with my frs anymore... cos he was bery possessive.... and bery suspicious about almost everything... i got cut off from the outside world...

a yr later.... i found him... dun rmb how though... through friendster or wat... if the time frame is rite he shd be in army.... one more yr till ORD... i rmb he complain about the national day parade... the endless out field he has to do... feeding the mosquitos... i rmb him telling me lil incidents from pri sch... how i tortured him... how i made fun of him... i rmb laughing like crazy every single time he tell me such things cos i dun rmb them in detail.... but didnt really contact much with him since my bf then didnt like the idea of us toking....

our frship was kept like tat... brief moments of contacts... usually when both of us hav probs on our own lifes... mine with him and he with his new found job and his then gf.... think during tat 3 yrs of our life we didnt even met up more than 5 times... but we did tok on the phone... usually in the middle of the nite...

08 he ended his r/s... 09 i ended mine... and from there we got together... weird.... i knew him like for 4 yrs..... and before tat... 10 yrs no contact... in which about 4 or 5 yrs i kinda let go of the thought of finding him....

if i hav done things diffly... wld i be happier?? if i hav been persistent in my search during those 4 yrs... wld there be less suffering?? doesnt matter.. doesnt prove anything now wat.... its just tat looking back... how much time i wasted... wat a long road i walked... so many things can be avoided...

ima not deeming myself now as a failure in life.. in fact ima actually bery happy at where i am now... true there are still probs in life and i can see tat its still gonna be a long way from wat i intended to be at....

still got tons of thing to write.. but i dun think i'll do tat today le.... i'll sort my memories one subject at a time...

PS: when i found didi.. i realized his gf is also our pri sch fr... how cute is tat....

PPS: for god sakes... if wanna know when i getting married dun ask me.... ima like ready anytime... ask him instead... he is the one planning it.... urgh~

needing some time to think...

480B0A20-E5B4-26C4-005F-62E204C7FC7D

1.03.01

smile.... not....

oggie... went for my sec consult for braces... wow.. tats not the prob.. since xray was done and molding was done... now the prob is hav to go to the hospital at yishun for the extraction of my wisdom teeth... OMG... U KNOW HOW MUCH EACH TOOTH EXTRACTION COST BO!!!???

sebei sianZz now.. think my medisave also dun hav so much to pay for it.... range is like 450-600 per tooth... and i hav to get rid of all 4.... which means the amount is from 1.8k to 2.4k.... faintZz.. where to get such lui???!!!! even use medisave to pay half of the total amount i still hav to fork out another 900 to 1.2k.....

totally bo mood liao... sebei stress now....

best part is my pms is coming also.. which will add on to my irritated mood....

needing some time to think...

kitty thoughts.. scary thoughts....

hmmm.... dunno how to write... basically kinda uneasy ba... maybe cos everything is settling in le ba... or maybe cos ppl are getting married or popping babies like no body's business... or maybe ppl start asking me when when when.... like they are more gan jiong than me...

but i dun think it'll go as plan ba... lot of issues ba... dar just started in new company.... under contract.... means bo bonus...( at least he is really enjoying himself there) he also just got a new car... means heavy duty expense incurred... think his savings like left half le ba... so kinda there is no way there's enough lor... another thing is... ima getting braces... even the fastest i can be done with it is like 1.5 yrs later... can u imagine taking photo with those things on?? OMG... not gonna happen!! if tats the case might as well postpone the whole issue... copy Elaine lah.... engage first... sign later... (at least engage liao he is like 'cfm mine.... wahahahh!!~~)

another thing tat comes into mind... think i said sth similar in previous posts ba.... hav tat feeling he's hiding things... well..... not really hiding things.... kinda like maybe thinks not impt stuff no need say kinda situations.... or maybe just dun wanna say things or ppl tat i dun like to hear... if tats the case then really lor... both of us can just dun tok to each other liao... cos... nth to tok to liao mah... come to think of it.... think i also adapt to such thinking ba... things tat i find not impt or ppl which i know he dun like hearing i dun say.... tat leaves like..... na da... no topic... wahhaha....

oh well.. see how it goes ba... no point thinking about it... eventually will straighten out de lah...

random update....

first thing first... ima sick.. yes.. again... since mon... too heaty liao.. having slight cough but major phlegm prob... all thanks to mak's mom ruo mi fan... wahhaha... power sia.. eat one time tio till like tat... but nvm lah.. not working ATM.. so just chiong meds and slp the day away ba...

weekends was a simple enjoyment for me... though really REALLY did nth... either is watching anime with him or napping away beside him while he do his homework... wahahah... was hoping mon nv comes... (actually every weekend i hope mon dun come) but nvm lah.. wed liao.. lol.. 3 more days to go till i see him again....

mon went out with elaine and brown aft their work.... she was long for a thumb drive.. stupid brown lost it somewhere... duhZz.. so expected of him... headed to amk hub where i bought sth tat i was looking for a long time... woohoo~~ new shoes!!! ima loving it~~~ i can stop wearing slippers 24/7 liao!!~~







tue was a boring day... was suppose to meet steph however she once again MIA.... wahahah~~ wat is wrong with her sia.... ima not the only one who she is meeting wor.... haiZz... dunno wat she thinking.... anyway~ was surfing the net the whole day(more so everyday lah..) and i was thinking of getting sth... samsung ST100... yes dar... handphone... wahaha... no its not!!! itsa camera... but cheapest i found is like around 450... hmmm... still gonna think about it...

oh ya... an update regarding the previous post.. braces... yeap.. getting those on.. finally... sec consult 12th Oct... next week... can say bye bye to my bunny teeth liao... think gonna take a pic of my teeth before i head down.. gonna compare.. whahah.. ima sick!!

btw... getting the ceramic braces... a tad more exp.. but as least it looks MUCH better than normal metal braces.... sudden random thought.. ima gonna be called brace face from next week onwards... emo... worth it worth it... also can slim down sia... wahahah.. everything also cant eat.. woohoo!! my 40kg~~ come back to mama~~~

bored post...

not gonna say much.. not a good day.... just gonna say i wan braces... been thinking about it these few days liao... ima thinking.. ima thinking... where got clinics which can use medisave to pay partial? hmmm.... shall source... if not hav to find one tat the downpayment is low enough... but still wanna find those tat do hidden types...

another post.. another update...

good start of the week... met up with my good old fr on Mon at raffles city..... did some major catching up since she quit her job... life did a turn for her for the past month... hectic hectic hectic... her mom become better already... thank whoever is up there for it... and she is more happy now.... with lesser things in her mind she is literally glowing with inner happiness....(izzit cos of Mr who who?? hmmmm.....)

come to think of it... we both commented tat our lifes made a drastic change... and the funny thing is tat it sort of went back to 'square one'... but in a good way... but we both agreed on one thing though, cos of this major turn we kinda lost alot of time and youth... emo sia....


btw.... cos i lost my wallet like 3 months ago and i hav no freaking time to get a new one..(plus no feel towards alot of wallets tat i saw...) kanna drag steph to window shop abit... oggie lah.. some walking aft a meal is good for ya~ but anyway.. finally found sth tat i like... slick, simple and being purple is an added bonus.... but kanna hav heart pain paying for it... urgh... still mkore exp than the previous one i owned.... i better make it worth while....



then nite was still bery young however steph hav to go for class (bo liao lor.. start starts at 7 but she gonna reach at 830.. just for attendance sake...) or else can rot somemore with me... wahahahah~~ took a short walk along SG river... its been long... really change alot compared to the last time i walk along tat path.... its so much brighter now.... wahahah... not really my thing... but its nice to see such sights once in a while.. it really relaxes u and make u think more clearly...



overall, it was an uplifting experience for me.... maybe i shd get out more often and hang out with frs more....

lonely mid autumn

oh... mid autumn liao.. where kids can come out play till late... license to play with fire vandalise the public property with wax and soot.... not to mention a lover's excuse to spend lovey-dovey time together....

no diff for me.... dar hav to attend class aft work... spend a bery normal day... apart form the praying section of it... actually today consider not a good day for him... alot of bad things happening to him... hope he doesnt brood over them too much...

only special thing tat happen today was mid autumn praying plus making dessert... few weeks ago ask my mom to make the 'yu ni' dessert she wan fine with it.. in the end is i do.. wth... hav to stand in front of the stove and keep stirring the mixture making sure it wasnt burnt... dunno why the food i like is always so ma fan to make one...



btw.. the only unhappy thing tat happened was tat bugger sms me.. he must be mad... can ask me wanna walk under the moonlight with him on this special day... really man.. wat is wrong with this guy.. wanna hav affair pls dun come find me lah.... dun hav time for this sia...

nth much to report regarding today though... shall end here ba...

issues issues issues....

suddenly realize i bery long time bo blog liao... 2 weeks... quite a few things happened during this time.... dar got a new car... i was working then quit... steph broke off with mark then went with another guy... her mom got cancer.... ting also got a new bf(which happens to be my fr's fr...)

steph issue was a big hu-ha to some point... suddenly tell me no more liao.. i was shock.. they endure the dreaded long distance r/s but in the end still broke... they even went to apply hse liao lor... but i know steph... she will cfm know wats best for her... she will not ill treat herself anymore liao lor...

Regarding her mom... another shocker... i know she is kinda health conscience... to hear such news is a surprise... however she wans to heal by using the unconventional way.... which is fine as long as she is happy and comfortable with it... hope she does well and surpass the illness....

life was difficult while working... i like the environment there... work load was fine too... the ppl there were frdly also... but i just cldnt continue working there... knowing every single day... for 8 hrs.... i was to be harass by one of my colleague... i dunno wats up in his mind... he has a wife... 2 bery young kids... basically his life is pretty good... every thing is stable for him... i rmb shooting him... asking wat he treat me as.. he can tell me gf... wah kaoZz... i flare at him saying he's mad... he explained tat i look, walk, talk is almost identical to his first love... pls lah.. i not 17-8 yrs old lah... such tok also can bring up to me... think i stupid ar... but it doesnt deter his persistence... cldnt stand his actions i quit... anyway i was only a temp... once their project finish ima no longer 'valuable' to them liao...

lately also hav bickering issues with dar... think its gonna turn into a norm for us liao... ytd nite debate again... dunno wat to do sia... as dar says: i know y we always bicker.. u care too much for me and i care too much for u....

so love does hurt some times huh??

480B0A20-E5B4-26C4-005F-62E204C7FC7D

1.03.01

anime & memories....

oh yea~~~ my internet... backie!!~~~ ima alive again~~~ so many shows to watch... so many webbies i hav to go visit... omg....

was rushing to watch tons of shows and anime... loaded halfway fell aslp.. damn... now hav to reload again...rushing rushing~~~ sth triggered my case note cabinet in my head... ytd was watching one anime: Kaichou wa maid-sama... yea i know.. y am i watching a gerly romance comedy genre type of anime.... oggie lah the show.... kinda cute... toking about this high sch ger who is the prez of the sch.. but working in a maid cafe... got 'involve' with the 'infamous' popular guy in sch... they got a thing going on.... anyway... latest episode was about a transfer student.. say come back to the place to find his first love(which is the prez)... and his love experience was when they are in elementary sch.... wth... when he say tat ar... i was like kaoZz... then wat about me sia... lol.. funny how a person's life twist and turn.. only to turn back to where we started...

i started to wonder... if tat time i persist in looking... wld i save so many yrs of time??.... if i was more determine and stand on my grounds wld i hav less pain??... if i say sth earlier... wld it be any diff... doesnt matter much now... wat is done is done... cant go back to change anything... can only savour the past moments in my life...

i actually enjoy every moment with dar... now or when we're kids... happy or having a war.... i really dunno wat it is... i literally just light up every single time i see him... even when ima in a foul mood when i see him i just feel more relac..(apart from the sudden buay tahan triggers tat cause my eruptions) i rmb the time when he was upset over his last r/s... during tat time i really wanna do sth for him... just hav tat feeling dun wanna see him being hurt... but alas i'm in no position to do.... no matter... see the future ba... shall shield him as much as i can....

PS: 7+more weeks to 1 and a half year of love....