once again.... its gonna be a jumpy post... wat to do.... the files in my metal cabinets in my mind is mess up again.. re-tagging again... means everything is gonna be linked in a bery unusual way liao...just ytd i comment on FB tat the list of frs getting married just gotten longer again... nah.. not really stress over it le... ima just gonna let it be... but it seems the ppl around me is more concern about it... i keep receiving comments or qus over this issue.... as though they expect me to do it faster than them... wat... now they plan for my wedding also?? kinda hav a feeling they're pushing me.... which reminds me of one stupid incident with my mom(yes her again...)
my sis-in-law's bro having wedding dinner... mom wans me to go with her... when i commented i dun wan and ask elder bro to go she refuse... say not nice for him to go... on further probing then realized the reason for her arrangement is tat cos elder bro bo gf.. dun wan ppl ask... then wat... i got bf then ppl start asking no prob liao lah... sometimes really dun get her... got nth to do with me yet wan me to face such situations... alone...
another thing i was doing for the past few days is clearing my emails... i hav the habit of sorting out emails into diff folder by ppl's name... so.... kinda hav the intention of mass clean up of it... deleted alot of folders from ppl i once known... or in this case ppl who wan to make frs with me... no.... ima not trying to prove ima popular or wat... but while clearing these folders and email i noticed tat during those times i stop doing wat i wanted to do then...
yr 2000... age 16... just finish O lvls... time to enjoy tat 7 months of freedom... back then knew a few great frs... whom till now still are my buds... knowing sec sch frs are gonna head to diff tertiary schs... we all then to gather info and contacts from each other.... not wanting to lose any of these precious r/s we obtained during those few yrs in sch... it was then i thought... might as well find my pri sch frs... since only 4 yrs apart nia... so i did... found alot... found my best bud during pri sch time also.. which was hard since she moved to pasir ris during pri sch.... and the only thing i had was a photo of her....
2001... went to ite to study... still sourcing for lost frs... found my didi and ah gong.... wahaha... a few more of them... but halfway through the yr i kinda stop doing tat... maybe cos sch work is getting alot.... plus keep hitting dead ends.... kinda dun hav the mood to go on with this endless search....
2002-2004... still in ite... took one yr than usual due to personal reasons... alot of unhappiness then... totally shelf the idea of finding lost frs... it was also then i start having 'internet' frs... the typical guy wans a gf thus spamming mails period of time... got tons of such mails.. from dunno how many ppl... getting annoyed by it at the end of it.... but by the end of this period of time i knew him... he was diff i must say... tats y i went with him...
2005... age 21... adulthood... nth much to celebrate... did sth tat till now i dunno whether to regret or not... wld it be bery diff now?? i rmb i dun get to go out much... i dun get to mingle with my frs anymore... cos he was bery possessive.... and bery suspicious about almost everything... i got cut off from the outside world...
a yr later.... i found him... dun rmb how though... through friendster or wat... if the time frame is rite he shd be in army.... one more yr till ORD... i rmb he complain about the national day parade... the endless out field he has to do... feeding the mosquitos... i rmb him telling me lil incidents from pri sch... how i tortured him... how i made fun of him... i rmb laughing like crazy every single time he tell me such things cos i dun rmb them in detail.... but didnt really contact much with him since my bf then didnt like the idea of us toking....
our frship was kept like tat... brief moments of contacts... usually when both of us hav probs on our own lifes... mine with him and he with his new found job and his then gf.... think during tat 3 yrs of our life we didnt even met up more than 5 times... but we did tok on the phone... usually in the middle of the nite...
08 he ended his r/s... 09 i ended mine... and from there we got together... weird.... i knew him like for 4 yrs..... and before tat... 10 yrs no contact... in which about 4 or 5 yrs i kinda let go of the thought of finding him....
if i hav done things diffly... wld i be happier?? if i hav been persistent in my search during those 4 yrs... wld there be less suffering?? doesnt matter.. doesnt prove anything now wat.... its just tat looking back... how much time i wasted... wat a long road i walked... so many things can be avoided...
ima not deeming myself now as a failure in life.. in fact ima actually bery happy at where i am now... true there are still probs in life and i can see tat its still gonna be a long way from wat i intended to be at....
still got tons of thing to write.. but i dun think i'll do tat today le.... i'll sort my memories one subject at a time...
PS: when i found didi.. i realized his gf is also our pri sch fr... how cute is tat....
PPS: for god sakes... if wanna know when i getting married dun ask me.... ima like ready anytime... ask him instead... he is the one planning it.... urgh~
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