grrrr.... today wake up first thing my mom ask me is can change the option for the upgrading... (wth... sat is the submission date.. today mon liao... think they submit to contractor liao lor...) then nvm.... work wise... hectic.... now having sore back liao lor... think tonite is tranxene nite liao... lunch time go call the officer in charge of the submission... tell me cant change... i die die tell her change... then settled... but hav to rush to the office by 530... (sebei sian lor.... i come out like 510... raining... i hav to walk in the rain.. take cab... walk in the rain again to the make-shift office just to counter sign....)second thing i sebei sianz about... these few days the weather like shit lor... either is super hot or rain like #^$%&%&$.... my face now like shit lor... having breakout like no ppl's business nia... tmd... now hav to waste my time go put mask apply cream treat pimples.... niam niam niam!!~~~at least one thing ima gonna settle... blood test... tat day sick go see doc... kaypo go ask about my 'mysterious' blue blacks...(they are coming out more often and in groups) he advice do platelet count(aka full blood count in my view)... since like tat i might as well go do those package test which includes lipid and glucose etc etc.... since family history quite jialat.... planning to do either this sun(which mean i hav to wake up early...) or next mon... (since i taking leave on tat day....) but emo leh... itsa fasting blood test... no makan aft 12am(at least 8 hrs mah...) then morn wake up cant even drink my coffee... die lah....
25/7/09 Saturdaywork... then go hm wait for dear to fetch me...(he's not in a good mood... like mine...) heading to bro's hse... gonna store all my bb gundams and the remaining seeker boxes there....(his hse looks like a store rm for my toys... wahahha!!!) think by the time this issue is over its like 5? makan at queenway around 6... went to his hse... then go hm at like 10 plus... basically nth much happens... but happy.... cos got him around me...26/7/09 Sundaywoke up at 10am(morn call by dear...) proceeded to his hse... waited like 1 hr before heading to braddell hill for his cousin's 10th bday.... (i freaking hell dun wanna go in the first place...) i feel so awkward.... not cos i dunno anyone(oggie i really dunno anyone except his mom...) more so cos they all speak dialects.... ima like... wats the point of me going there in the first place... show my face to everyone?? then i keep quiet say i anti social.... dunno wat to do there also.... almost wanna cry twice during the 2 hrs there.... then wanna go out hav a breather dear also follow... haiZzz.... dunno lah.... i literally dying there.... nvm... aft tat dear brought me to Vivocity then Labrador Park for walkie.... mood became better... dear also less worried... he can even tell me finally ima smiling..... and say i look nice when i smile...(ya... was slight blushing then...) ima always gonna be in a good mood when he's around... shall wait till i see him again...PS: sorry dear for being so emo today....
oggie.. kinda screw up the last post... wahhaha.... kinda only rmb the events but dun rmb the dates... went to change abit... wat to do.... Monday i so frustrated... plus the half aslp mind of mine.... paiseh lah!!~~~ anyway.. updates for today... (cfm correct de... i swear~~~)
today work as usual... nth much... kinda peaceful... only prob is tat ima getting cough and phlegm.... means might gonna hav trouble breathing for the next few days... OMG..... NOT AT THIS TIME LEH.... busy leh... hopefully can tahan till next month.. then can take MC to rest and pei dear...(he taking leave on the first week of Aug...)
while working halfway dear sms... FINALLY!!! HE CAN COME BACK EARLY~~~ but he go hm first to rest... (actually wan him come fetch me de.. since he say go watch movie... but since he has been working so hard... dun complain lah....)
i reach his place like 6pm... makan at 7... went to great world city walkie abit....(no movies to watch...) however when we're done with the walkie... it was still early thus he brought me to Telok Blangah Hill Park... (this time is not the Henderson Wave liao... heng ar!!! but dear still bery bad... bully me...) stayed till 10 plus... reach hm like 11....
ahhh~~~ long time nv together alone with him le.... elated!! also hor... ima realizing ima getting more and more 'sticky' to him liao...(only when i get to see him...) izzit a good or bad thing? hmmm....
16/07/09 Thursday??wahahahaha.... dear OT again... till like 9.... again... argh... ima getting piss at it... eating up so much of his time.... WTH..... but he came over to meet me straight aft work...(dun wan him to come... wan him to go hm rest de~~~) went mac to hav some munchies... he look so cute in his shipyard uniform!!! (yes... fetish... cant ar??!!) *can u go straight hm wearing tat??* but he was like complaining cos its the first time in like 2 yrs he wore his uniform out of the shipyard.... stayed together till like 11?? dun rmb the time... nv notice the time... only know dun wanna leave only.... but he seems so tired... haiZz....17/07/09 Friday ??working again... oggie lah.... kinda easy day today.. nth much to do.... was half aslp during the whole day.... aft work took bus to go meet dear.... was kinda piss off at him though... keep asking and asking... when i was so focus on where to alight(ima direction idiot oggie... need to stare at building to know where am i...) nvm... wasnt really angry when i saw him... all my anger like gone le.... dunno why... just cant really get angry with him at all every time i met him.... also dun wanna wreck the rest of the day.. we hardly meet up since he hav to clear 'shit' everyday.... just wanna pei him as much as possible now....18/07/09 Saturdayworked half day... another bo liao day at work... slack mode... wahahha.. if only every day is like tat... then went to Elaine and Michelle's chalet and BBQ... went aft work...(actually is aft i went to tamp to collect my stuffs....) reach there like 3plus? wanna slp but they're too noisy... so kinda butt in while lying on the bed when they played monopoly... during the whole time was waiting for dear to come... he reached like near 8pm ba.... when the rest were bbq-ing... we were just alone....(cherish the moments sia....) then went to bbq... then they wanna play water bomb...(the gers were waiting for the guys to come back from finding extra bikes....) i and dear opted out and went walkie abit... went back into the room to rest... when Daniel came back... he wanna stay in the room also... wahahaha!!... wat to do.... room not ours also.... kinda 'inconvenient' with Daniel around... kekeke.... but oggie lah... ima delighted to be able to hug him to slp... reach hm like near 3am.... dear reach hm like 330... emo lor... means he only get to slp like 2 hrs max before heading to work again...19/07/09 Sundaynth much... slp till like 1pm...(was freaking tired and slpy) then went to dear's hse do some cleaning.... waited for him to come hm.... had dinner... had fun... watched tv... so happy to see him... was 'staring' at him like most of the time when we're watching tv... dunno y.... just like to look at him.... everytime i see him i just feel happy... 20/07/09 Mondayima still the same as last time... i hate working on Mondays.... today work till ima so freaking frustrated.... sebei hot day plus running around... kns... freaking pissed off sia... even mumbled vulgarities.... grrr..... somemore dear gonna OT till 9pm again....(emo.. cant see him~~) and from wat he says... he already maxed out his OT for the month liao...(then wat for continue to OT..... no lui to get anyway.....) hope tat he dun continue to OT till so late.... see him work till so late... become so tired... so half dead.... i also heart pain.... i dun wan him to suffer like tat... furthermore... i dunno why ima so slpy and tired.... since morn till now wanna close my eyes liao... argh...!!! how to slp in this kind of weather sia~~~ think i hav to take tranxene liao... i wanna see more of dear~~~!!!! i wanna continue to hug you.. dun wanna let go.....!!!!
dunno wat am i doing lah... extremely upset... i feel misunderstood.. i feel extremely alone... i feel hurt.... for some reason i think he dun get my point... i dun blame him for anything... he got his reasons for doing so... reasons for saying such comments... but i also hav my personal reason to act the way i am... reasons to answer his constant same qus with a constant same answer..... i dunno y cant he at least try to think from my point of view... try to put himself in my shoes... y does he hav to think ima over reacting over 'nth'.... y for some reason i feel tat he's trying to make me accept his reasons as the valid one and rebuke over mine??i also dunno y every time when i try to tell him things tats in my mind(which actually i dun wanna tell cos it will cfm blow up into a big matter) he think ima thinking of a reason to ditch him... all i wanna do is try to tell him wats wrong with me.... wat am i thinking when ima alone... when there is no one for me to tok to.... franking speaking... every time my mind is messed up(like now) i nv once thought of breaking up.... at most is requesting a cool off period...(which till now i nv bring it up.. knowing it will kinda destroy him) if this continues.. i think i will become even more withdrawn....i do not wish to hav an argument with him.... i plainly just wan him to know things..... things i usually dun say out... things tat i hav to muster guts to say it out.... and of course with tat said.... i wish he wld just listen... and not flare up like just now... think i just made the rest of the week worse for the both of us...the more i love u it seems... i more hurt ima having....cos i hav to bottle everything in... as i dun bear to lose u....
today still sick.... but getting better... my flu has stop but nose is still leaking abit... migraine wise... well... slight headache ba... but not as bad as the past 1 week lor..... heng got 2 days mc.... or else i think i today go work sure die de... still kinda lua....mood wise..... not the best of it..... but not jialat also.... kinda upset only.... i dun understand y ppl dun listen to wat i say de... or just plainly 'forgotten' about wat i said..... and cos of tat they keep commenting about the same thing over and over again... not knowing it actually ruffles my feathers.... or worse... keep asking 'u sure cannot ar?' or 'how i wish....' blah blah blah.... ya... wish somemore... maybe will come true.... i know they dun mean any harm every time they start commenting about it... i also dun blame them for doing it... but itsa like... i spare u some thoughts.... tats y i dun wanna start arguing or rebuking u... but y cant u spare a thought for me as well... i dun believe u dunno tat i dun like to start tat type of conversation.... or even touch on tat topic....HaiZz... dunno lah... ima done replying those comments with 'dun ask liao...' or 'wat do u think'..... from now on ima just gonna keep quiet... since telling them so many bloody times liao still like doesnt work... i dun wanna waste my time and effort to explain AGAIN...
getting sick of this... dun wanna do this again le... plus other things in mind....(credits to ytd's conver plus today' whole day of mind wandering...) ima tired..... ima frustrated.... yet dun bear to do anything to it...
current mood: emo, tired, lonely
current wish: spending time alone with dar, get my specs
current issue: nicotine addiction
current fantasy: be drenched in rain rain and even more rain~~
been so freaking busy with work... do accounts... OMG... see numbers till i scared liao... plus the continuous ka jiao-ing from the workmate... *faint*.... and for the past week having a terrible headache tat wldnt go... urgh.... dunno is not enough slp or stress... (if its stress ima so dead...my body cant handle stress de....) then nowadays once i lie on the bed i cfm fell aslp in like 15mins... great diff compared to my usual 1 hr lying on bed trying to slp period.... think my mental self is tiring out liao...
dear is not doing well either.... OT till like 9pm almost every day... today even worse... he sound so pissed off..... cant help him also... 70% of the stuff he says i totally dun understand... (or at least i try to understand it in my way...) i can only pacify him.... try to make him feel better... *sorry lah dear... not tat ima not interested in wat u saying... but is ima trying to figure out wat u saying*
been not spending enough time with him.... weekends also kanna eaten up by the shipyard... dun even hav the time to just relax at his hse... (even if meet him also will be having dinner with his family.... which i dread.....) *hmm... dunno tml how... haiZz....* wahaahaahah.... think ima getting crazy liao... somemore brain like half dead le.... no nicotine... i need sth to numb my brain cells~~~ URGH~~~ WHO CAN SAVE ME!!!!
argh....!! today work like siao~~ dun even hav time to drink my cuppa coffee... and i see the accounts till cross eye liao.... y cant the freaking companies label their payments then send to me de!!! argh~~~ niam niam niam....haizZ... dear gonna OT again... this time dunno till when ar... hope he dun overwork leh... monday only sia.... i curse the uncle for producing this bucket load of shit.... grrr.... aiya... as long as he knows where's his mental limit is can liao... *dun force yourself too much ar!! if cant tahan go rest... work can nv be finish de....*so wanna slp...... but still got to clear my remaining BBs... hav to tie them up... set them to one side so bro knows which to take over.... (plus new shipment come in liao... argh... no time to play!!!) no time le!!! aug the contractors are coming to take over my room!!! dozing off... ZZzzzZzZzZzzz.....
been running up and down to meet dear....( i super dun mind... i only scared he too shag aft meeting me since he OT till bery late...) plus working now... brain like half aslp nia... still trying to get use to waking up super early and more imptly... slping early... means even less time to pei dear le.... *selfish thought: hope sat only work half day!*i hope dear wldnt be too shagged from all the shitcrap he hav to clear... think he's deadline still left 2 weeks.... jia you wor~~!!btw... ima having a freaking bad headache!!! for like 3 days!!! OMG.... must be the slping time plus no nicotine tat is to blame.... ARGH~~~ MUST PERSIST~~!!!
