~我爱麦芽糖~

weirdom~

2011-05-16T17:09:00.003+08:00

hell of a LONG POST~

hmmm.. apart from the recent post about iwhite4... its like 2 months i nv really touch this place.... and for some weird reasoning... ppl start coming in... viewing my post and commenting.. (nth tat i dislike about it.... since i already know i place my blog under open acc...) just really wonder y they are even interested in reading my post... nth extraordinary or wat.. just plain simple rants of everyday life... and definitely ima not xiaxue or steven lim.... wahhaha~~~
of course there might be the possibility tat they are spams but i dun think spams will type out nicely written english to the extend tat they can actually pinpoint certain things in a blog.... oh well can only say diff ppl hav diff taste in life... some common alike the majority of the human folk.. others abit more lending to the weird side....

anyway~ back to the old ranting and stupid thoughts in my head... didnt really touch blogging.. hmm.. y... maybe dun feel like writing alot out anymore.. (just plain lazy can??) or maybe with the facebook... at least there can get 'instant' responses from my buds... which is helpful at certain times.... or maybe my mode of thinking is changing... (is tat bad?? sheesh...) oggie lah.. will come back once awhile to rant about stuffs... besides... ima not really oblige to report to ppl about my where and when abouts....

time to say sth 'normal'... month of may... lotsa holis and almost middle of the year... shd be a 'happy month... but kinda sad month for me (and its only halfway through....!!) lots of bad mojo happening around me... sis in law's grandmom pass away... my best bud's mom sudden bad turn towards cancer..... (i might add... not much time left) my another bud.. who was suppose to get married this nov.. gonna call of the wedding cos the gf action.... my ex who is getting married this nov (also!) still dun wanna let go... (for like how long?? 10 yrs??) and etc etc.... (dun really wanna add on to the list of 'unfortunate' events....)

HaiZz... relationships between ppl is so complicated... often times ppl will write a line... but is tat a straight line or a wavy one?? is the line in fine print or bold.... lately i fret other other ppl's prob tat i tend to overlook mine own stuff... not tat ima complaining.... everything is fine between me and him..... everything is stable... (maybe too stable.. is tat consider complaining??) or shd i say stagnant.... and from wat i know.. nth comes good if sth is stagnant for too long....

ima not forcing nor ima pushing... but i really REALLY sucks if the ans is always dunno... then quietness... wth is tat suppose to mean.... i dun wanna assume... yet i also dun wanna probe into much much details yet... just find tat maybe for now its not the time to explore the issue.... for now... just walk and look...

once again.. pardon my jumpy post.... i just cant get myself too organize in such things....

needing some time to think...

woohoo~!

2011-05-09T20:17:00.004+08:00

IPHONE 4 WHITE.... ENOUGH SAID...
needing some time to think...

uppp!!! and downy~~~

2011-02-28T10:48:00.003+08:00

long long time no write anything in here le... busy month since got cny... oh well.. the usual stuff... time to really find a job now.... wahaha...!!

like been riding a roller coaster this month.. lots of ups and downs... hmmm... downs are more ba.... but the ups are good... good enough for me to do sth about it....

PS: so wanna slp rite now but so bloody awake~!

needing some time to think...

clean up clean up~

2011-01-17T19:41:00.004+08:00

oggie... left 2 weeks to cny... crunch time!!! woke up early to clean my disgusting room.. and to give some tender loving care to my bunch of laogongs~

wah biang... fingers wanna break cleaning the nooks and cranny of these toys... vacuum cannot.. cloth cannot.. toothbrush also cannot.... alamak! mom was like commenting(again...) how messy my room is.. wth... wat u expect.... this is the result of having a tom boyish daughter who only likes toys... wahahaha!! got into abit of the prob placing my laogongs back.. (since open another 4 boxes...) but managed to do so.. think i hav to really get the detolf for my gundams....

anyway... clean up's done.... next on the list.. paint job!! light blue!! woohoo!!! no more filthy green!!

needing some time to think...

braces...

2011-01-13T13:32:00.002+08:00

oggie.. just back from dentist and makan... took 1 and half hrs... took a nap.. dun really care wat he was doing.. no pain or wat... looking good....

to all the peeps who told me its a torture and alot of pain... u are a wuss!!!

needing some time to think...

fireworks~

2011-01-12T23:00:00.006+08:00

keeping it short... sth about fireworks... two diff stories... dunno who is telling the truth.. dunno who to trust...

thus.... whoever it is... you better start rmbing wat actually happened and wat u actually see/do.... you better come clean with me.... ima not gonna probe now... dun wait till i really start probing....

i hate being lied to.... i hate being kept in the dark... i hate being the last to know..... wan me to continue trusting u? then pls at least try... dun say about losing the trust... how about to retain the trust from me....

needing some time to think...

free gifts~

2011-01-11T02:36:00.004+08:00

was thinking go pei dar to garage... (not much time to pei each other soon..) but since he dun need me i went out with someone else... wahhaha!!!

went for early dinner at town then went sightseeing and shopping... cny coming.... wow.... so many things on sale... but nth much i wanted... dunno izzit me not liking to shop or really i hav a low shopping drive....

however still saw sth i like... but dun bear to get it...(rather spend the lui on sth else more practical...) but still... i got it.... wahahah... so nice of him to get it for me... will treasure it de!

went to the DNA bridge(or wat u call it hexi sth sth bridge...)nice view of the city lights... though quite alot of ppl... still enjoy tat moment... its been a long time since i went sightseeing... sat along the riverside at esplanade... tok about alot of things... my stuff.... his stuff... long time ago stuff....

hear sth during the conver... it bugs me... wonder wat it is.... shall know tml ba...

needing some time to think...

first appt of the yr~

2011-01-06T16:45:00.001+08:00

just back from dental appt.... put separators.... next week.... the real things~ now i feel weird... duhZz.... heading back to spring cleaning...

needing some time to think...

loneliness is hard to swallow.... also hard to repel...

2010-12-31T00:56:00.004+08:00

these few days.... not a good period of time.... alot of things happening to the ppl around me... ppl breaking up... ppl hav family probs... even my buddy... oh man.... her 'dad' passed away...

though ima not really involved in any of these circumstances... i got ask for mental or spiritual help... especially today... me.. a 26 yr old person... trying to tok sense into a person(my buddy's mom) twice my age... wat kind of advice can i give to a person who experience so much more in life... who guided me when i was young then.... wat can i offered to her tat will ease her disturbed mind and heart... the only thing tat linked me to her is i know wats she's going through... i know wats in her mind... i know how bad it can get.... and i know the short cut to get better....

ima not a preacher... nor ima saint.... but i do hope wat i said today to her will help her.. help her gain tat self worth tat she's losing... help her gain tat confidence tat she shared with him... and help her gain trust in the lord tat guided and made her wat she is today....

my bf today also gave a pet tok... lol... to his fr.... think he is also always the person whom ppl think of when got prob... which is good.... it means u're appreciated... u're in tat 'special spot' in tat person's mind.... (to bf: do a good job hor~)

the prob with ppl is when tio prob... they dun hav much ppl they can trust to bare their hearts out... itsa not a fault.. its just... human to think such way... with so much hurt... they dun wanna risk tio stabbed again.... i mean.... i was like tat last time... of course ima the extreme type... however its 'dangerous' to be left alone also.... if no one cares.. no one even ask 'how are u lately', 'wanna hang out someday?'.... thus... impt to find someone u trust... someone whom u can say anything.... think of it as helping urself and not burdening other....

anyway... there is a limit to wat i can do..... but if this is all u need to get u moving.. i dun mind being there.. rite beside u....

needing some time to think...

xmas xmas.....

2010-12-27T00:33:00.002+08:00

nth much to report about... xmas also dar's bday.... didnt get anything for him.. dunno wat to buy also.... like everything he needs i gotten for him liao.... so just got him a cake... did nth also... quiet days were spent... thought got some argument...but tats taken care of...

next up..... new year.... so fast another yr gone like tat... dun wanna think tat much any more....

needing some time to think...

alone time...

2010-12-16T23:43:00.002+08:00

exams is starting for dar... means no time for me.... or any else tat matters.... doesnt matter.. its crunch time now... do or die~~!!!

do hope he dun over do it and stress out... shall think wat to do for the next few days....

jiayou jiayou jiayou~!~!
needing some time to think...

weird...

2010-12-15T00:59:00.002+08:00

been window shopping for some time... dun hav any feel for anything at all... dunno wat to get also... nth seems to interest me.... nth seems to hav tat omph....

needing some time to think...

hibernate mode

2010-12-08T01:25:00.002+08:00

shall not comment
shall not think
shall not do

shall follow blindly
shall listen
shall hibernate

shall not plan anything, not gonna happen if hav the heart to do so

needing some time to think...

boohoo...

2010-11-10T20:42:00.003+08:00

i feel like crying... can i hav happy tears???

needing some time to think...

emo day.....

2010-11-09T21:55:00.002+08:00

sick again.... caught a cold... must be the drizzle during the weekends... plus my face is not flaking.. its molting.. already cfm is sunburn.... most likely due to tat day spray car.... under the sun like 1hr plus.... sebei emo...

just book my next appt for dental... omg.. end of the month... faint... wait till neck long lor... and gonna extract another 4 teeth.. woohoo~~ high sia...

read sth today... made me think.. which is better... to get married or enjoy the endless period of a simple boy/ger relationship.....

needing some time to think...

shopping list..... urgh....

2010-11-02T13:08:00.005+08:00

this is the list tat nv ends... it keeps on going on my fr... sebei sian... got more things to buy.. or in this case.... maybe buying.... camera... lappy.... hav to get a bag also.... oh ya... and paint for my room... y the things i wanna buy is always so expensive or difficult to get one... urgh..... nvm... sitex coming end of the month... shall window shop.... see got any good IT deals or not... or maybe not buying any of them at all.... not really a must lah....

all my weekends are book with some sort of event.... omg... y suddenly like so busy one... lol... oggie lah... at least got sth to do... now hav to think when shd i paint my room... sianZz.. hav to move everything again.... think hav to get it over and done with within 2 days.. or else gonna be hell....

shall ponder all these things for awhile... see wat is best ba....

needing some time to think...

Zzz....

2010-10-27T17:26:00.002+08:00

250... 250.... 250... hmmm... shd i... shd i... shd i.... ponder... ponder.. ponder...

needing some time to think...

randomness....

2010-10-27T01:44:00.002+08:00

i dun think its anything wrong posting sth tat random in fb.. dun know y u need to 'wat' me so loud and ask me y i type such things... already said random... if u wan u can go comment sth random also....

i dun like calling for one hr plus.. just to hold on the phone and say nth... nth at all... if so i dun see the point of 'waiting' everyday till the nite comes....

yea.... mood swing... blame it on the double cheese burger since itsa beef... ima being 'bullish'....

sidenote: dun wanna take my meds anymore.... screw my pimples.... screw my face... screw my hormones.... no freaking point in taking them anyway... waste effort, time and lui....

needing some time to think...

home..

2010-10-25T01:19:00.003+08:00

reach hm like near one.... wow.... over slpt... dar gonna be half dead tml at work liao... not a bad weekend... the rain saved our lungs also.. wahahha...

been slpy for the past 2 days... must be the med... everytime take liao super drowsy... keep nodding off to dream land then back to reality again...

one thing i dun like... i dun know y dar dun wan me take pics of him.... not as though ima dumb enough to post those pics up in Fb wat... just wanna take for fun and ownself keep like also cant... haiZz... if so i shd be posting my own 'personal' pics of myself liao lor... dun wan take dun wan lor...

needing some time to think...

dumb blonde...

2010-10-22T18:48:00.002+08:00

so yea.... took out the other side de wisdom tooth... now i can say ima dumb blonde liao... gonna be another week of 'hamburger face' syndrome... hell yea... i wan some ice cream!!~

dun understand y he dun wan my help... urgh... wats the point in all these....

needing some time to think...

long random messy redundant post....

2010-10-20T10:56:00.006+08:00

once again.... its gonna be a jumpy post... wat to do.... the files in my metal cabinets in my mind is mess up again.. re-tagging again... means everything is gonna be linked in a bery unusual way liao...

just ytd i comment on FB tat the list of frs getting married just gotten longer again... nah.. not really stress over it le... ima just gonna let it be... but it seems the ppl around me is more concern about it... i keep receiving comments or qus over this issue.... as though they expect me to do it faster than them... wat... now they plan for my wedding also?? kinda hav a feeling they're pushing me.... which reminds me of one stupid incident with my mom(yes her again...)

my sis-in-law's bro having wedding dinner... mom wans me to go with her... when i commented i dun wan and ask elder bro to go she refuse... say not nice for him to go... on further probing then realized the reason for her arrangement is tat cos elder bro bo gf.. dun wan ppl ask... then wat... i got bf then ppl start asking no prob liao lah... sometimes really dun get her... got nth to do with me yet wan me to face such situations... alone...

another thing i was doing for the past few days is clearing my emails... i hav the habit of sorting out emails into diff folder by ppl's name... so.... kinda hav the intention of mass clean up of it... deleted alot of folders from ppl i once known... or in this case ppl who wan to make frs with me... no.... ima not trying to prove ima popular or wat... but while clearing these folders and email i noticed tat during those times i stop doing wat i wanted to do then...

yr 2000... age 16... just finish O lvls... time to enjoy tat 7 months of freedom... back then knew a few great frs... whom till now still are my buds... knowing sec sch frs are gonna head to diff tertiary schs... we all then to gather info and contacts from each other.... not wanting to lose any of these precious r/s we obtained during those few yrs in sch... it was then i thought... might as well find my pri sch frs... since only 4 yrs apart nia... so i did... found alot... found my best bud during pri sch time also.. which was hard since she moved to pasir ris during pri sch.... and the only thing i had was a photo of her....

2001... went to ite to study... still sourcing for lost frs... found my didi and ah gong.... wahaha... a few more of them... but halfway through the yr i kinda stop doing tat... maybe cos sch work is getting alot.... plus keep hitting dead ends.... kinda dun hav the mood to go on with this endless search....

2002-2004... still in ite... took one yr than usual due to personal reasons... alot of unhappiness then... totally shelf the idea of finding lost frs... it was also then i start having 'internet' frs... the typical guy wans a gf thus spamming mails period of time... got tons of such mails.. from dunno how many ppl... getting annoyed by it at the end of it.... but by the end of this period of time i knew him... he was diff i must say... tats y i went with him...

2005... age 21... adulthood... nth much to celebrate... did sth tat till now i dunno whether to regret or not... wld it be bery diff now?? i rmb i dun get to go out much... i dun get to mingle with my frs anymore... cos he was bery possessive.... and bery suspicious about almost everything... i got cut off from the outside world...

a yr later.... i found him... dun rmb how though... through friendster or wat... if the time frame is rite he shd be in army.... one more yr till ORD... i rmb he complain about the national day parade... the endless out field he has to do... feeding the mosquitos... i rmb him telling me lil incidents from pri sch... how i tortured him... how i made fun of him... i rmb laughing like crazy every single time he tell me such things cos i dun rmb them in detail.... but didnt really contact much with him since my bf then didnt like the idea of us toking....

our frship was kept like tat... brief moments of contacts... usually when both of us hav probs on our own lifes... mine with him and he with his new found job and his then gf.... think during tat 3 yrs of our life we didnt even met up more than 5 times... but we did tok on the phone... usually in the middle of the nite...

08 he ended his r/s... 09 i ended mine... and from there we got together... weird.... i knew him like for 4 yrs..... and before tat... 10 yrs no contact... in which about 4 or 5 yrs i kinda let go of the thought of finding him....

if i hav done things diffly... wld i be happier?? if i hav been persistent in my search during those 4 yrs... wld there be less suffering?? doesnt matter.. doesnt prove anything now wat.... its just tat looking back... how much time i wasted... wat a long road i walked... so many things can be avoided...

ima not deeming myself now as a failure in life.. in fact ima actually bery happy at where i am now... true there are still probs in life and i can see tat its still gonna be a long way from wat i intended to be at....

still got tons of thing to write.. but i dun think i'll do tat today le.... i'll sort my memories one subject at a time...

PS: when i found didi.. i realized his gf is also our pri sch fr... how cute is tat....

PPS: for god sakes... if wanna know when i getting married dun ask me.... ima like ready anytime... ask him instead... he is the one planning it.... urgh~

needing some time to think...

smile.... not....

2010-10-12T21:54:00.004+08:00

oggie... went for my sec consult for braces... wow.. tats not the prob.. since xray was done and molding was done... now the prob is hav to go to the hospital at yishun for the extraction of my wisdom teeth... OMG... U KNOW HOW MUCH EACH TOOTH EXTRACTION COST BO!!!???

sebei sianZz now.. think my medisave also dun hav so much to pay for it.... range is like 450-600 per tooth... and i hav to get rid of all 4.... which means the amount is from 1.8k to 2.4k.... faintZz.. where to get such lui???!!!! even use medisave to pay half of the total amount i still hav to fork out another 900 to 1.2k.....

totally bo mood liao... sebei stress now....

best part is my pms is coming also.. which will add on to my irritated mood....

needing some time to think...

kitty thoughts.. scary thoughts....

2010-10-06T01:22:00.007+08:00

hmmm.... dunno how to write... basically kinda uneasy ba... maybe cos everything is settling in le ba... or maybe cos ppl are getting married or popping babies like no body's business... or maybe ppl start asking me when when when.... like they are more gan jiong than me...

but i dun think it'll go as plan ba... lot of issues ba... dar just started in new company.... under contract.... means bo bonus...( at least he is really enjoying himself there) he also just got a new car... means heavy duty expense incurred... think his savings like left half le ba... so kinda there is no way there's enough lor... another thing is... ima getting braces... even the fastest i can be done with it is like 1.5 yrs later... can u imagine taking photo with those things on?? OMG... not gonna happen!! if tats the case might as well postpone the whole issue... copy Elaine lah.... engage first... sign later... (at least engage liao he is like 'cfm mine.... wahahahh!!~~)

another thing tat comes into mind... think i said sth similar in previous posts ba.... hav tat feeling he's hiding things... well..... not really hiding things.... kinda like maybe thinks not impt stuff no need say kinda situations.... or maybe just dun wanna say things or ppl tat i dun like to hear... if tats the case then really lor... both of us can just dun tok to each other liao... cos... nth to tok to liao mah... come to think of it.... think i also adapt to such thinking ba... things tat i find not impt or ppl which i know he dun like hearing i dun say.... tat leaves like..... na da... no topic... wahhaha....

oh well.. see how it goes ba... no point thinking about it... eventually will straighten out de lah...

random update....

2010-10-06T00:00:00.005+08:00

first thing first... ima sick.. yes.. again... since mon... too heaty liao.. having slight cough but major phlegm prob... all thanks to mak's mom ruo mi fan... wahhaha... power sia.. eat one time tio till like tat... but nvm lah.. not working ATM.. so just chiong meds and slp the day away ba...

weekends was a simple enjoyment for me... though really REALLY did nth... either is watching anime with him or napping away beside him while he do his homework... wahahah... was hoping mon nv comes... (actually every weekend i hope mon dun come) but nvm lah.. wed liao.. lol.. 3 more days to go till i see him again....

mon went out with elaine and brown aft their work.... she was long for a thumb drive.. stupid brown lost it somewhere... duhZz.. so expected of him... headed to amk hub where i bought sth tat i was looking for a long time... woohoo~~ new shoes!!! ima loving it~~~ i can stop wearing slippers 24/7 liao!!~~

tue was a boring day... was suppose to meet steph however she once again MIA.... wahahah~~ wat is wrong with her sia.... ima not the only one who she is meeting wor.... haiZz... dunno wat she thinking.... anyway~ was surfing the net the whole day(more so everyday lah..) and i was thinking of getting sth... samsung ST100... yes dar... handphone... wahaha... no its not!!! itsa camera... but cheapest i found is like around 450... hmmm... still gonna think about it...

oh ya... an update regarding the previous post.. braces... yeap.. getting those on.. finally... sec consult 12th Oct... next week... can say bye bye to my bunny teeth liao... think gonna take a pic of my teeth before i head down.. gonna compare.. whahah.. ima sick!!

btw... getting the ceramic braces... a tad more exp.. but as least it looks MUCH better than normal metal braces.... sudden random thought.. ima gonna be called brace face from next week onwards... emo... worth it worth it... also can slim down sia... wahahah.. everything also cant eat.. woohoo!! my 40kg~~ come back to mama~~~

bored post...

2010-09-29T18:19:00.004+08:00

not gonna say much.. not a good day.... just gonna say i wan braces... been thinking about it these few days liao... ima thinking.. ima thinking... where got clinics which can use medisave to pay partial? hmmm.... shall source... if not hav to find one tat the downpayment is low enough... but still wanna find those tat do hidden types...

another post.. another update...

2010-09-23T01:18:00.008+08:00

good start of the week... met up with my good old fr on Mon at raffles city..... did some major catching up since she quit her job... life did a turn for her for the past month... hectic hectic hectic... her mom become better already... thank whoever is up there for it... and she is more happy now.... with lesser things in her mind she is literally glowing with inner happiness....(izzit cos of Mr who who?? hmmmm.....)

come to think of it... we both commented tat our lifes made a drastic change... and the funny thing is tat it sort of went back to 'square one'... but in a good way... but we both agreed on one thing though, cos of this major turn we kinda lost alot of time and youth... emo sia....

btw.... cos i lost my wallet like 3 months ago and i hav no freaking time to get a new one..(plus no feel towards alot of wallets tat i saw...) kanna drag steph to window shop abit... oggie lah.. some walking aft a meal is good for ya~ but anyway.. finally found sth tat i like... slick, simple and being purple is an added bonus.... but kanna hav heart pain paying for it... urgh... still mkore exp than the previous one i owned.... i better make it worth while....

then nite was still bery young however steph hav to go for class (bo liao lor.. start starts at 7 but she gonna reach at 830.. just for attendance sake...) or else can rot somemore with me... wahahahah~~ took a short walk along SG river... its been long... really change alot compared to the last time i walk along tat path.... its so much brighter now.... wahahah... not really my thing... but its nice to see such sights once in a while.. it really relaxes u and make u think more clearly...

overall, it was an uplifting experience for me.... maybe i shd get out more often and hang out with frs more....

lonely mid autumn

2010-09-22T17:42:00.004+08:00

oh... mid autumn liao.. where kids can come out play till late... license to play with fire vandalise the public property with wax and soot.... not to mention a lover's excuse to spend lovey-dovey time together....

no diff for me.... dar hav to attend class aft work... spend a bery normal day... apart form the praying section of it... actually today consider not a good day for him... alot of bad things happening to him... hope he doesnt brood over them too much...

only special thing tat happen today was mid autumn praying plus making dessert... few weeks ago ask my mom to make the 'yu ni' dessert she wan fine with it.. in the end is i do.. wth... hav to stand in front of the stove and keep stirring the mixture making sure it wasnt burnt... dunno why the food i like is always so ma fan to make one...

btw.. the only unhappy thing tat happened was tat bugger sms me.. he must be mad... can ask me wanna walk under the moonlight with him on this special day... really man.. wat is wrong with this guy.. wanna hav affair pls dun come find me lah.... dun hav time for this sia...

nth much to report regarding today though... shall end here ba...

issues issues issues....

2010-09-17T10:20:00.002+08:00

suddenly realize i bery long time bo blog liao... 2 weeks... quite a few things happened during this time.... dar got a new car... i was working then quit... steph broke off with mark then went with another guy... her mom got cancer.... ting also got a new bf(which happens to be my fr's fr...)

steph issue was a big hu-ha to some point... suddenly tell me no more liao.. i was shock.. they endure the dreaded long distance r/s but in the end still broke... they even went to apply hse liao lor... but i know steph... she will cfm know wats best for her... she will not ill treat herself anymore liao lor...

Regarding her mom... another shocker... i know she is kinda health conscience... to hear such news is a surprise... however she wans to heal by using the unconventional way.... which is fine as long as she is happy and comfortable with it... hope she does well and surpass the illness....

life was difficult while working... i like the environment there... work load was fine too... the ppl there were frdly also... but i just cldnt continue working there... knowing every single day... for 8 hrs.... i was to be harass by one of my colleague... i dunno wats up in his mind... he has a wife... 2 bery young kids... basically his life is pretty good... every thing is stable for him... i rmb shooting him... asking wat he treat me as.. he can tell me gf... wah kaoZz... i flare at him saying he's mad... he explained tat i look, walk, talk is almost identical to his first love... pls lah.. i not 17-8 yrs old lah... such tok also can bring up to me... think i stupid ar... but it doesnt deter his persistence... cldnt stand his actions i quit... anyway i was only a temp... once their project finish ima no longer 'valuable' to them liao...

lately also hav bickering issues with dar... think its gonna turn into a norm for us liao... ytd nite debate again... dunno wat to do sia... as dar says: i know y we always bicker.. u care too much for me and i care too much for u....

so love does hurt some times huh??

anime & memories....

2010-09-02T20:25:00.003+08:00

oh yea~~~ my internet... backie!!~~~ ima alive again~~~ so many shows to watch... so many webbies i hav to go visit... omg....

was rushing to watch tons of shows and anime... loaded halfway fell aslp.. damn... now hav to reload again...rushing rushing~~~ sth triggered my case note cabinet in my head... ytd was watching one anime: Kaichou wa maid-sama... yea i know.. y am i watching a gerly romance comedy genre type of anime.... oggie lah the show.... kinda cute... toking about this high sch ger who is the prez of the sch.. but working in a maid cafe... got 'involve' with the 'infamous' popular guy in sch... they got a thing going on.... anyway... latest episode was about a transfer student.. say come back to the place to find his first love(which is the prez)... and his love experience was when they are in elementary sch.... wth... when he say tat ar... i was like kaoZz... then wat about me sia... lol.. funny how a person's life twist and turn.. only to turn back to where we started...

i started to wonder... if tat time i persist in looking... wld i save so many yrs of time??.... if i was more determine and stand on my grounds wld i hav less pain??... if i say sth earlier... wld it be any diff... doesnt matter much now... wat is done is done... cant go back to change anything... can only savour the past moments in my life...

i actually enjoy every moment with dar... now or when we're kids... happy or having a war.... i really dunno wat it is... i literally just light up every single time i see him... even when ima in a foul mood when i see him i just feel more relac..(apart from the sudden buay tahan triggers tat cause my eruptions) i rmb the time when he was upset over his last r/s... during tat time i really wanna do sth for him... just hav tat feeling dun wanna see him being hurt... but alas i'm in no position to do.... no matter... see the future ba... shall shield him as much as i can....

PS: 7+more weeks to 1 and a half year of love....

happy cat~

2010-08-30T00:03:00.002+08:00

had fun this weekend... fri went ktv with dar and his colleagues + fr... they're a funny bunch of ppl... enjoyed myself bery much... good mood.. even took a pic with dar...(ya.. i owe him de...) doesnt matter... now hp got new wallpaper liao.... kekeke.... maybe can hav more ba.. see how ba~

weekend literally slack at hm most of the time... which is good lah... mentally tired from work... spend some quiet quality time together is good.... HaiZz.... wish i hav a glass of cold beer now... tat will keep me lvl headed for awhile...

just notice i got lots of things to buy... damn it.... and is usually just nice i get paid... there goes my pay liao lor... i wan another cabinet~ and detolf~~ got promotion~~need hair mask, blusher, lip gloss, hairband(bro broke it once again).. oh ya.. badly need another wallet... urgh... sebei sianZz... shall see wat i need first ba...

dar today start class le... back to normal liao... u do yours i do mine kinda days le... hopefully he dun stress himself too much ba.... too many things to handle at one go... think he superman or sth... shall keep my cool at things... do one thing at a time... settle down settle down...

PS: i wanna huggie laogong to slp....

writing vs typing....

2010-08-26T22:19:00.004+08:00

hmmm.. this pic reminds me of yrs back when i bought a lot of note books to write.... wrote about alot of things... depending wat comes into mind... usually blog entries... sometimes stories... sometimes poems... sometimes rants... more detailed than this online blog... of course i still keep these books... i had a bad memory... need this to refresh my mind... also to rmb happy incidents in my life then...

somehow i rather write then type these memories out... at least i can cfm tat no one reads my hard copies one... wahahah~~ and i like writing stuff.... can just sway my hands and write.. no need to worry whether it links or not... cos since its for my eyes only.. i can understand wat the hell ima writing....

i got alot of things in my mind... not organize... my thoughts are usually jumbled up... one moment this next another issue... thus constantly hav to keep thinking wat to do... whether izzit impt... blah blah blah...

anyway... back to life... usual stuff again... work load is like piling up... tml meeting.. sianZz... Dick is gonna kill us gers.... again.... wat does he wan anyway? doing as much as we can for tat few hrs and even more and he still wanna KB.... ang mos... urgh....

hse-ing.... rewiring the whole hse also my prob... fine... as long as dun touch my future lui for my future hse for investments i close one eye... if even touch one cent of it i make sure u spit it out for me...

side track abit... dunno is cos nv take my medications or wat... hormones are like rushing into my brain TOO much... plus the female's bio clock is ringing again...(from wat i rmb.. its the third time it's happening) urgh~~~ can stop or not..... got enough issues for me to settle liao lor... this hav to happen now.... dun wan now mean dun wan now lor... already planned le so dun screw my mind up liao lah.... if can hav it i already hav one liao lah...

too many things to note... dun wanna type le.. wait i emo again... not a good period of time to do so... where's my silver lining?? shall switch off my mind during the weekends and just enjoy the chance to rest and recharge...

acting weird....

2010-08-22T22:47:00.003+08:00

had a good weekend... get to see dar.. spend the niteZz with him... love hugging him to slp sia... too bad not a good time of the month.. wahhaah... maybe cos of this hormones is acting up super weird.... shall see wat happens the next few days... maybe rape him.. lol~~~

boring~~

2010-08-16T23:18:00.002+08:00

work's a bore today... did nth much the whole day... its killing me lor... dunno wat to do sitting there... buay tahan sia... either its super busy where i cant finish my work.. or its too slack till i wanna slp... grrr... waste my life sia....

trim my hair today... like at least 2 months later?? sun really rmb when's the last time i trim it.. only notice my hair like getting messy... now its so much more 'tidy' le... happy.... shall wait for it to get even longer now....

sth is wrong with me... think is hormone surge or sth... keep having weird 'urges'.... cldnt help it... cant shake these ideas out of my head... keep thinking of the same thing over and over again... argh!!! any medication tat lowers hormones???!!!

a lil break...

2010-08-13T22:45:00.003+08:00

sebei sianZz... portable modem spoilt.. now leeching other ppl's one... wahahah... so long nv come online... so many shows and anime i havnt watch... urgh~~~ where got time to update sia~~ work also like shit... everyday see diamension til i sot liao... i need english words~~ not numbers!!!

been sick for a long time also.. half dead most of the time at work or off work... mood also not good... but dun hav the energy to really shoot...(well at least ima better now.. left my irritation cough to settle...) but its dar's turn to be sick... haiZz... think he also stress over alot of things... and me stepping on his tail like most of the time....

btw... 7th month now aka ghost month... not gonna stay over tat often ba.... not bery nice also... its also the time of the yr where i'll auto be more quiet.... more solemn.... not a good period of time for me... used to love the ghost month.. now kinda hate it.... watever... shall not comment so much about it...

shall bath take med and slp... tml meeting dar dar~!

45 Things Girls Love But Won't Ask For

2010-07-29T01:28:00.003+08:00

45 Things Girls Love But Won't Ask For

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her.
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved.
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she's beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she's your everything - only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her
24. Make her feel loved.
25. kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!!!!*
26. don't lie to HER.*
27. DON'T cheat on her.*
28. take her ANYWHERE she wants
29. txt messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her.
30. be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you.*
31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too.
32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her.*
33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).*
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY.
35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her.
36. When people DISS her, stand up for her.*
37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her.*
38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, Link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND.*
40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible*
41. Call or text her at night to wish her SWEET DREAMS*
42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears.*
43. Take her for LONG walks at night.
44. ALWAYS Remind her how much you love her.*
45.sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.

fruitful day.... to me....

2010-07-27T03:24:00.002+08:00

hmmm.... tiring day for me.. spend the whole day clearing out unwanted stuff and cleaning my freaking messy and dusty room... oggie... its still messy... but i can see my bed and the top of my tv console now.... tats a good start... rite?? next thing gonna do is clear my cupboard and drawers... so many stuffs~~ OMG!!! its like nv ending sia~

evening time nth much... went out awhile.... hang out... pass some time.... aft which tok to dar on the phone when i got hm... always dun wanna slp when i ask him to... so stubborn... (y men are so stubborn ar?? ask them things... dun say.. tell them to do... dun do.. urgh......) finally got him to go slp... haiZz... think tml he gonna be shag sia... cfm got OT de lor...

nth much happen then after.... tok to my fr regarding some issues... had a good chit chat.... didnt even realize the time... lol~~~ then shoo tat person to slp...

think ima gonna slp to.. or else tml gonna look like crap.... now... think happy thoughts... think happy thoughts... happy dreams... happy dreams....

current thought

2010-07-22T01:57:00.002+08:00

i hate being kept in the dark... i hate lies even more.....

neverending dream.......

2010-07-19T00:09:00.005+08:00

aft waiting one week of dar's reservist (still got one more week to go.... urgh...) finally get to spend time with him... stuck to him like glue for the pass 3 days... so happy... get to cuddle/snuggle up with him to slp... (more worthwhile since its been raining like siao for the pass 3 days... he is so warm~~)

feels so secure with him around me... love to hear his heartbeat while falling aslp... love it when before i snooze he's the last person i see... and love it even more when he's the first person i saw when i wake up... i enjoy every moment with him... when we watch anime together... when i help him out with his army clothes... when i just lay on bed watching him change into his army uniform for his mobilisation movement...(oh yes... uniform... killer~~)

i love it when he always whisper to me good nite and 'i love u' at nite... (tats all i hav to know...) i adore his expression when he look at me and say such things to me... i actually love the fact when he tease me everytime i blush at his comments... i just love to hav him with me~~

can i stay with u forever?? can i just marry u now?? i can just continue with this sweet dream of mine....

ramdom thoughts...(or maybe not...)

2010-07-16T00:42:00.003+08:00

nah... nth much... just wanna say i miss dar alot~~(even though we tok on the phone a couple of times per day...) even dreamt of him ytd nite...

its such a wonder how a human mind works... how a couple of words can change a person's temperament.... just last week my mood is so bad.... can say cry every nite... also dunno y... like subconsciously sth is bugging me... yet i cant pin point... then this week.. though didnt see dar alot... ima happy... just being able to hear his voice i feel warmth... the things he said sounds like music sia... (or maybe he's lying to make me happy... but men ARE like tat... can only say they sometimes lie cos they dun wan more probs or dun wan the other half to be 'hurt')

watever~~ shall enjoy this moment of minor happiness....

shall slp now... cldnt wait to cuddle up to dar tml....

mind's a whirl....

2010-07-07T17:54:00.003+08:00

lately mood bad... dun wanna do anything... sebei sianZz mode... do wat also buay song... hear wat also like damn irritating... haiZz...

just now went to ask mom.. how much wat sis in law's and her's 'ping jin'... then ask her me as her 'char siew' will cost how much.... urgh... regret asking in the first place... hear her answer i more emo liao... but kinda expected it from her... since she will make similiar comments about such things now and then... been hearing these things dunno how many yrs back le...

from wat it seems can forget about everything le... no way she's letting go...

dun wanna comment le... now is bad mood plus emo.... epic day....

lame....

2010-07-07T00:25:00.001+08:00

freedom~!~

2010-07-05T12:32:00.002+08:00

aft one week of HELL finally freedom.. wahahha.. no more shit from her le~~ can enjoy my time now... can relax and get refresh again~ can finally think about other issues in life liao...

low spirit....

2010-06-25T22:07:00.003+08:00

feel like crap now... big rain today... hav to work will soggy shoes... work load was slow... hav to find things to do... dreadful....

then on the way hm just before reach my freaking bus stop.. involve in traffic accident... wow.. wat a day....

sianZz... half my soul gone liao... till now i still feel uneasy... think not gonna hav a good nite slp le... thinking of taking valium... but nah.. wait tml cant wake up...

welcome to the family!!~~~

2010-06-14T11:48:00.004+08:00

woohoo!!!~~ another two~~~ happy happy!!~~ but so sorry hav to be kept in the box.. currently no space to display u wor... tahan abit lah~~

ytd saw another 2 tat i wanted... will aim for it!! slowly lah...

super random pics....

2010-06-14T11:28:00.002+08:00

oggie.. i know... ima lame... but wat to do when u hav no where to go and nth to do?? wahhaah...

Singapore Flyer!!

2010-06-14T10:50:00.006+08:00

yeah!! finally went to 新加坡飞啊..... for me... scary at first... since ima afraid of heights but aft a while its oggie... think dar dar is laughing inside when he saw my expression on my face... (keep pestering me about it... - excited?? we're going up le wor~~ duhZz...)

the view not bad but think aft when all the constructions finally done it will be better..... but overall a good experience...

thank you dar dar~~!!

So loooonnnnggg....

2010-06-14T10:20:00.002+08:00

wow.... almost 2 month nv blog liao lor... been so freaking busy with work tat everyday once hm just head to bed le.... but no matter... gonna quit soon anyway... serving my notice now.. then freedom!!!

so freaking tired for the past 2 months... even weekends are spent just dozing off in bed... kinda like no life sia... kinda used to it also lah.... been like tat for how many month? dun even wanna rmb... just wanna 'hibernate' once my notice is due....

other aspects of life... hmm... got its ups and downs... but whois isn't? lately my fr and i realized our life like similar in probs... wahahah... and we keep repeating the same 'advice' on each other... kinda irritating though...

gonna flood the blog with lame pics i took.... yea... again... but hey... when's the last time i did tat?

....worst day to date....

2010-04-18T22:16:00.004+08:00

dun wanna say much... just gonna say was lost the whole day... was crying the whole day.... dun even care if ppl stared at me.... ima up till here le... gonna snap soon..... everything sucks....

mental block or mental breakdown?

2010-03-31T20:55:00.003+08:00

mon aft work went to pei dar at ntu.... aft which went to his hse.... fell aslp around 10...
and for some weird reason i dun rmb wat happen aft tat... or wat time i reach hm.... itsa like i got a hang over or sth.... all i rmb was looking at dar a few times when he try to wake me up...
then next thing is saw my mom... cldnt hear wat they were toking also... like tio censored.... dar kinda told me wat happen... but dun recall anything.... sth is really bery wrong with me....

think my mind just shut down from everything... not in the best of moods lately... stressed out by alot of issues.... my mind like tio clouded by smog... nv a day its sunny or even a clear sky de.... really not in the mood to discuss about anything..... just gonna live day by day as it is ba.....

dunno wats wrong....

2010-03-29T11:30:00.002+08:00

mood not bery good.... some times up some times down.... keep thinking of things... i cant help it if words keep popping up in my head.... i cant help it if i feel so 'off'.... suddenly everything seems uncertain.... everything is blur-ish... everything like dun hav an answer le....

everything is calm now.... life is back to normal it seems... but i just dun feel good about it.... call it insecure or doubts... i dunno... i cant even answer a simple qus which has been thrown to me number of times before..... its like i hav a sudden fear of sth of some sort... yet i cant pin point...

was toking to a fr just now.... one thing she said to me.... : every r/s really need a lot of confidence n trust... dunno how true or not... it doesnt really applies even if there is trust and confidence in each other wat.... there will be a certain fear of uncertainty in issues faced.... can a person really put complete trust in another person?? and even its possible... doesnt it hurts??....

心很乱..... 不想做任何事..... 想一个人静一静...... 我不想工作.... 我不想出门... 我不想每天起床... 我也不想结婚了....

hating my life...

2010-03-26T23:28:00.005+08:00

once again its proven... humans basically are pathetic creatures on earth... totally wasting air, food, resources or in this case.... everything on earth.... humans tend to only rmb bad things in life.... they rmb how unfairly they're being treated... how much shit and hurt they suffered... but almost nv or try to think about the happy lil things in life tat make us humane....

just knew... my bro had an argument with sis in law... over a pic... apparently sis in law innocent... but bro jealous/angry... storm out of the hse... blah blah blah.... story goes on.... which comes to my point of me being upset/piss/watever u call it lah....

cut story short... he's piss over a guy hitting on me... whereas he go joke(i call it tease) he's female colleague over some burmese curry... aft the whole bloody issue over ima not angry at the ger(which to me is totally not her fault at all...) or him or anyone... i just feel utterly disgusted.... i cant believe tat he can totally like threw me off the bus like tat....

firstly ask me to convey msg to the guy.... (so freaking like wanna challenge the guy...) which he said if he can he will straight go do it.... (wow... ima product... pls tie a ribbon on me and use both hands to give other ppl) on the other hand can joke to his colleague... ask her to COOK for him when he resign... WTH IS TAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN!!!!.... WAT THE FREAKING HELL AM I TO U!!!! 我排老几..... he dun let other guys hit on me but to me he's hitting on other gers....

ima disgusted by his thoughts and actions... i cant stop thinking.... the way he ask her.... his reason for joking with her.... the way he comment about the guy's actions towards me..... i felt there's total injustice.... i didnt do anything to invite trouble yet i was told to 'consider' tat guy's interested in me.... yet there is nth wrong with him joking around....

ima like totally dun feel like toking to him at all... i cant get myself to tok to him.... totally felt betrayed.... dun even wanna see his face now...... DISGUSTED... FEEL LIKE PUKING!!!....

AT THIS POINT OF TIME I DUN EVEN WANNA THINK ABOUT PLANS FOR NEXT YR.....

feeling down....

2010-03-24T21:35:00.002+08:00

feeling down lately... work issues..... hp prob....(freaking piss over this....!!!) some sort of communication prob with dar.... haiZzz.... dunno wats wrong also.... dun tell him things cos dun wan him worry he not happy.... tell him things he also upset....(or maybe even more upset over the issue ima toking about) when i ask him wats wrong say nth... ask him how he feels reply me 'like tat lor'.... dunno how to tok to him already liao lor...

dunno wats wrong.... like do or not do also cant.... stuck in the middle like tat.... every aspect in life all tio stuck... cant do anything like tat..... sebei sian lor....

past 2 weeks.....

2010-03-22T00:35:00.003+08:00

to summaries everything... work days are like crap.... getting more and more fed up.... ima iterally having slight fever everyday cos my blood pressure is raising plus my blood is boiling....

weekends also nth much... last weekend pei dar at hm... he doing tutorial while i finish up my gundam.... finally done... (too bad.... havnt take pics of it to upload...)

this weekend also nth much... went over on sat... stayed over niteZz... dar cant seem to focus on his tutorial.... think with other issues in his mind its taking its toll on him le... also dun wanna request anything from him....

dun think will be staying over much anymore also... nth good ever seems to come out everytime i go over.... or in this case... me staying over is kinda like a once a blue moon thingy... yet nth is done for it... so.... i shall not go plan ahead when to stay over or wat le... ima even thinking dun meet dar le... his exams is like one month away... if ima with him.. there is no way he can study in peace.... for some reason i keep thinking ima hindrance to him... ima always dragging him in some sort....

btw... April coming soon le... alot of things in my mind rite at this moment.... dunno how to solve... dunno how to go about it even.... dun even know whether ima thinking rite now is the right thing to do or not.... shall try not to brood so much over it... another moment in time where ima counting down the days.... to wat i also dunno liao....

18th bloody lvls of hell!!!

2010-03-11T19:17:00.003+08:00

CAN SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THIS PIT HOLE OF HELL!!~~~

how can anyone be such an idiot!!!! everything hav to wait for me to settle for u.... kaoZz... u really kid izzit... wan 24 hr supervision ar??!!!! bloody hell 30 plus liao still like super blur... simple instructions also dun understand.... expect me come to ur rescue each and everytime izzit.... i dun hav so much freaking time and energy to play such game lor...

GRRRRR...... freaking piss rite now!!!

心里的答案.......

2010-03-08T00:05:00.007+08:00

horrible work week... i hav branded my new colleague useless... not only is blur... also gan jiong spider plus having a goldfish memory... write all the notes down also like no use.... literally vomited blood throughout the whole week..... dun even feel like teaching her stuff.... like wats the point sia... like tat how i run in June.... wah sebei sian lor... dunno how sia....

finally tong till weekend... wahahah!! finally can get some deserve rest plus pei dar...(this week special.... dar whole week bo class... see him like everyday... kekeke!!!) did nth much on sat... pei him whole day at hm... sun went out with him Elaine and her bf to ikea..... finally got my mirror for the toilet plus one shd be called a bed side drawer thingy...(finally got place to throw all my skin care and other things into some place.... but intend to place it beside the tv leh...) my room... aft for so long... can start to get organize liao... muahahah!!!

today dar ask me alot of 'stupid' qus.... ask when the first time i saw him again wats was my first thought... wahahah... wonder y he ask such things... then i started thinking... (yes... again.... my mind wander off to dunno where...) i thought about will he regret being with me... (or in this case marrying me...) i thought about ever since we 'found' each other aft so many yrs... wat was on my mind since then... wat was on my mind during those times when i wasnt working and he was either on guard duty or doing out field and we'll tok or sms throughout the nite away.... i wonder wats on my mind when he comes to me... saying his probs regarding his r/s.... maybe to him i was a straight forward frship between me and him... but for my case maybe it become complicated.... but i do know i regard him as a fr only then...

if so... then wat about the period of time when he lost his sec r/s?? when i was also having issues with my r/s.... i do know during tat time we kinda supported each other... i do know i tease him at times whenever he ask me to find a gf for him... or try to let his mind wander off the r/s issue.... i do know during those times i on off will hav thoughts of him... wondering whether he's fine or not... wondering how he's coping with everything.... his image will just flash into my mind at times... especially when ima down cos of my r/s issues.... and the first person i thought of calling will be him....(i rmb the time i wasnt feeling good.... call him and cried... first time he heard me cry... somemore so jialat... cant even hear wats ima saying....)

ima thinking... issit tat time tat i started to hav feelings for him... but by my character... i know even if i do hav... i wldnt do anything... i know i was still trying to work out my own r/s... i know i cherish my r/s dearly not to loss it like this...(but eventually nth seems to matter...)

if tats the case... alot of things i said to him then has alot of 'hidden' meaning to it.... alot of things tat i thought about was all encased in me.... i noticed ima bery 口是心非 person... i wldnt say things straight.... maybe cos i dun dare show my emotions or feelings to ppl.... i dunno... but for today i keep thinking about this like the rest of the nite... its like haunting me... think eventually i will find an answer to this 'mystery'.....

PS: 愿我能找出心里的答案...... 老公..... 关于刚才的问题...... 我的答案是........ 我愿意....

last day of the month...

2010-02-28T00:27:00.002+08:00

finally.... tong till today... can get some deserve rest liao.... been like working alone for almost the whole freaking month... kns... i not robot lor... robot also will get spoilt de lor.... now dun even dare weight myself.... just one week ago my weight drop to 40kg liao... WTH... its like one more KG ima in the 30's zone liao... can proclaim myself as a POW....(prisoner of work i mean...) dun care ar.... mon not going to work also... not my prob... gonna MIA... wahahha....!!! i did wat i can liao.... dun expect more from me le....

dar also hav been stress over work and sch... keep ranting about it to me... haiZzz... my own issue also alot... but still hav to try to cheer him up... however... due to the fact both of us not in good mood lately... alot of small conflicts keep happening... but i believe things will work out for the both of us... we both care and love each other too much to lose each other le....

today aft one hell work week get to see dar... really all the tiredness like dun feel it liao..... but dun wanna spend too long with him... he still got tutorials to finish and tml got work... haiZz.. wat to do.... hopefully he can rest well tonite....

heading to bed also.... hope to dream about him tonite....

happy bday to me.....

2010-02-17T00:18:00.003+08:00

went to work today... nth much happens.... peaceful day... lol... just the way i like it...
nv cele also... dar got work and class... dun expect much from him also... dun wanna pin any hopes on anyone....

ytd dar came over awhile to 'bai nian' then we went to hub walkie abit... dunno wat i ate... feel nausea all of a sudden... then i dun wan go hm... went back his place to rest...

dar was so tired from these few days... fell aslp quite fast.... took his keys to open door so to go hm myself... think he heard me going off... die die wan send me hm... haiZz.. stubborn lil kid...

when parked his car at my place it was just over midnite... he lean over softly sang bday song to me while lightly clapping his hands... so cute.... so sweet....

love him to bits...

crappy thursday

2010-02-12T12:24:00.005+08:00

finally work till thursday liao... last day before the holis... woohoo!!! long weekends for me... wldnt be going back to work till the 18th... thought gonna hav a peaceful day... i was so wrong... morn was peaceful... clearing my shit as usual and other crap falling from the sky...

lunch come back hell comes liao... wah kaoZz...tio gan like no tml like tat... for tat freaking 2.5hrs ar... dunno how to live ar..... then i also dunno wats wrong with dar... things i say to him nv get into his head... go and send flowers over to my place..... the delivery man dunno how to come go call me tio gan once liao... then come deliver tio gan again... totally sian ji bua ar.... dunno y he go do tat for wat... already told him dun try to do anything funny or do things tat will screw me up during work... nv listen.... dun understand wana give cant give in person de meh... or in his case.. already say didnt get anything for me then still do these things...

wats worse is tat the flowers are red in colour.... another thing i dun understand.... i dun believe he dunno i dun like red and pink.... i rmb clearly i got tell him before in his car i dun like roses even.... i really dunno wat he trying to do... ima already half sian over the month liao and he is like dunno doing wat... argh.... dun wanna complain to him also... dun wanna upset him since its his 'xing yi'.... just gonna keep quiet about it....

no mood to say anything to him also... his holi is all screwed up by his colleague... means my holi also screwed.... he already piss off.. dun wanna piss his even more... lately i really nth to tok to him... seems like the things i say he always not happy also... always gave him the impression tat ima shooting or forcing him... dunno lah.... shall not tok so much already.... also no mood to say anything lah....

shall await till all the 'major' dates pass by....

moodless month...

2010-02-12T11:44:00.004+08:00

ima gonna say the same thing... I HATE FEB!!!~~

nth comes good for me during feb every single yr... especially tis yr since CNY is also in feb... grrr.... super low spirits.... dun even know where to start ranting even... haiZz... actually freaking used to my mood swing in feb every year....

CNY... same stupid things... everything i hav to settle... dunno my bro is for wat de... just rot there one... kaoZz... no time for myself also... sebei sianZz half liao....

vday this yr coincidences with cny.... means no need to cele... no biggie diff for me anyway... since i nv get to cele vday one... think for so many yrs only cele once.... tats it... so to me its just another normal day for me whether i got bf or not....

bday... ahahha... dun even bother with it.... same thing.... nv cele one... i dun even rmb having a small bday cake for me.... think i nv had a bday cake... watever..... no many ppl bother to even say happy bday... wat to do.... my bdate is kinda diff to rmb.... so once again.. itsa normal day...

and for some weird reason... i always hav some sort of dispute with my close ones when its just before my bday/vday... every single yr is like tat... like curse or sth.... ppl is like stepping on my tail every single day.... i dun even wanna flare up or wat... dun bother about it le....

one good thing about feb is tat itsa short month..... can faster end it.... urgh.... still got 2 more weeks to tahan till march.... when is this gonna end....

Lucky Star-scream

2010-02-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

this is so freaking cute!!!!~~~

kitty nap...

2010-02-04T20:51:00.004+08:00

nearing new yr..... urgh... so tired... past few days nv slpt well... keep waking up... dar suggest go slp at his place... ytd reach his place like 10pm... no one came to open the freaking door... haiZz.. already hav a bad day le still got such shit happening to me... nvm... had my dinner alone then wait for dar to come back from sch...

both of us so tired... lol... nv tok much to each other... bath then he went to do some tutorials... was watching some tv before i slp... but see dar do tutorials scared i disturb him... ask him to off the tv but he dun wan... think he continue to do like half hr? dunno... was halfway in lala land liao... wahahah... rmb he kinda tired then keep his stuff off lights and tv le.... spend some quality time(finally alone ar..) together before falling aslp.... i rmb he waking up saying 'shit'... wahaha!!! (woke up late) then rmbing he stroke my hair... softly told me he heading to work.... woke up awhile... kiss him... and told him bye.... i stared at the room door when he closes it... suddenly feel lonely.... listening to him opening and locking the main gate plus door and his foot steps before falling back to a short slumber...

ytd really had a good slp.... think he is really the main cause of it... i feel bery safe with him around me.. i literally get into a 'dreamy' mode' once he beside me....(depends how u define 'dreamy') then he not around i bery awake... lol... he's my slping pill~~

PS: before the day ends i rmb looking at him while he finishes my remaining dinner.... for some reason i think he like getting skinny... maybe ima imagining things again... but anyway... he sure gonna get fat coming CNY...

PPS:really thankful i hav dar with me.... loving him more with each passing day.... hmmm... maybe when young i already like u.... i dunno...(maybe tats y i keep pestering u last time... lol!!!~~)老公永远是我的!!~~~

PPPS: weekend heading out... see got clothes to buy or not... sianzz... gonna be broke....

another day another headache....

2010-01-31T00:32:00.003+08:00

sianZz... lost my hp on tuesday.... so freaking piss with myself... y am i so clumsy.... and i love my hp.... pei me for like at least 4 yrs?? sebei sian de lor.... furthermore ima freaking shag... really ran around AMK looking for it and making the damn police report..... then next two days my legs like wat like tat... walk also cant walk...(wat to do... nv run like how many yrs suddenly run so much...)

anyway.... managed to get a replacement sim card plus a 150 bucks voucher... wahahah!!! today got paid straight go buy a hp le.... got a Sony Ericsson Aino... black colour de... ya i know.. black again... so me rite??.... well though ima emo-ing over my precious lost hp... ima happy i got Aino.... been eyeing on it but dun bear to buy.....

haiZz... with this extra expense plus the coming CNY.... my next mont cfm again not enough to spend liao lor.....

finally saw dar aft the long week days..... miss him so much.... though we hav a slight bickering ytd i dun hold anything against him... to me is u hav ur logic i hav mine... i understand ur logic can le... but dun expect me to follow it of it does not compile with mine.... and i expect the same way as u..... anyway!!~~ i stuck to dar like glue today... wahahah!!! like a small kid sia... did nth much... saw him do his tutorial.... physics.... oggie lah.. can understand abit....(better than maths...) i shall consider myself playful today... kekekek.... dunno y.... see dar just wanna do alot of things with him....

oh ya.. he bought gifts for my mom... abalone shark fin plus other stuff... dunno how much it cost leh... think he burn a hole in his wallet again for me... mom was asking me y buy so much... i can only reply i dunno wat he bought in the first place lor... but i appreciate wat he do lah... think tml hav to buy gift for his mom le... or else i also no time to do shopping....

think ima go slp le... hoping tml comes faster.....

vday wish list?

2010-01-25T23:22:00.003+08:00

just now on the phone with dar... asked me wat i wan for vday.... lol... actually i dun care wat u get me lor... or in a way.. i dun need anything.... however wats the reason u gave me, its the thought tat counts rite??

but in case he really stress over it.... maybe can give a few pointers? (since i really dun need anything at the moment or in this case... the things i wan is like freaking exp... wahhahah!!)

soft toys: anything but teddy bears or dolls (i will throw it away in front of ur face if u give me tat...)
jewellery: prefer rings or necklaces to bracelets or ear rings.... not a fan of diamond or gold... plain silver can le....
electronic: dun bother.. i hav wan i need....
flowers: if really wan get tat i hate red or pink.... loves yellow white or blue... collectibles: also dun bother.. u got me unicorn le... enough liao...
clothing: prefer i get myself though...

hmmm... aft typing all tat.... i seems... ima not helping at all... wahahha!!!... (told u i dun need anything.....)

PS: we shall go take pic before CNY... so u can put in ur new wallet oggie?

some answers....

2010-01-25T22:50:00.003+08:00

in regards to a qus pointed out from dar to me: wat kind of person am i?
my answer:
determine
organize
humorous
strict at times
stingy to himself yet generous to others
more optimistic than pessimistic
stubborn
likes to reason with ppl
abit 'da nan ren'
tends to be hard on himself
super responsible (abit too much...)
caring
loving(hopefully only to me...)
level headed
far sighted

for now.. can only think so these things wor.... can or not ar?

lovely weekend~~

2010-01-25T22:21:00.003+08:00

the long awaited weekend aft a sucky week.... lol.... firstly was work... yea yea.... same old thing...... blah blah blah... i dun even bother saying... then family... urgh... really cant stand them... especially nearing CNY.... nag and nag... argue and argue.... every year is like tat... really make my blood boil some times.... but this week really buay tahan... really dun wanna stay at hm at all ar.... so... made a decision... stay one nite at dar's hse....

really enjoyed myself over at dar's place... though we nv go out at all... doesnt matter... females are weird creatures... dun dun really care wat the itinerary is as long as the person they care and love is beside them... so... kinda applies to me also... just enjoy the time spent with him...

oh ya.. one cute incident... i bought a book for him.... his 'death note: another note' novel... when he sees the book ar..... his eyes open so big... wahahha... reminds me of a image of a chubby boy outside a candy store.... so cute~~~ i see liao really heart melt sia.... ima glad he likes it...

ima so 'addicted' to slping beside him le.... nowadays if at hm slp... either is cant slp... or wake up super early.... like dunnos stress over wat like tat.... tat nite with him around slpt like a baby..... love tat warmth feeling of him beside me... love the moment when he hugs me to slp.... (maybe i really need him to calm my nerves down....)

Sunday nth much.... love the moment when i woke up first thing i see is him... hear him say good morn to me... so sweet... kekeke.... did nth much though... he was doing his tutorials the whole day... i also dun wanna bother him much.... when to do my stuff... just enjoyed each other's company till nite... then he send me hm...(so dun wanna go hm~~EMO!!!~~~)

tats about it for the weekend... shall tahan the work week again till i see him on sat...

PS: on the phone with him while typing this post.... he's sick yet still doing tutorials.... being restless... piss over himself for making stupid mistakes... even say the F word out loud... haiZz... shall not blame him... cant help him much also....

awaiting cny....

2010-01-20T21:51:00.003+08:00

buy cny stuff... (shit.. hav to go chinatown get my fav ba kua!!!~~) cny... less than a month... gonna be screwed by my mom... tons of things to do... again... sianZZz.. every year like tat de... and i got my own things to do... hav to set date to perm hair... set date for dental appt... work...... urgh.... not to mention the long to do list for cny.... change lantern.. change all the 'shen hong' for all the god's tablets.... spring clean... organise my freaking messy room....and lastly.. decor the hse... OMG.... where got time to do other things....

wondering wat shd i wear then.... haiZz.... another prob... watever... this yr's cny sian sia... same day as vday... means no need to cele liao..... since i'll be staying at hm helping my mom throughout the niteZz praying.... well at least ima already taken off on the 17th... nobody gonna touch tat day sia... i'll kill them.... speaking of vday.. dunno wat to get dar.... getting irritated by tat though... also wondering is he getting me anything or not... regardless is vday or bday...(most prob gonna be a combine gift if there is one...) if he does get me sth... hope its not exp... dun wan him to spend lui on me le....

urgh... lately staying at hm is kinda like a chore... dun feel like slping in my hse anymore.... in a more precise way... dun feel like seeing them at all... cant stand them sometimes... argh....!!!

watever.. nth much i can do anyway... shall wait for tml's sun rise.... hopefully its a better day...

flying back from honeymoon period....

2010-01-13T21:13:00.004+08:00

tat day had a small argument with dar... he went to post some pics online.... basically ima not mad at him or doing tat.... i dun even mind he doing tat.... its his private space... i respect tat... but not to be inform by it.... ima bothered... i dun even know tat pic existed in the first place..... i dun even know it was in his desktop.... and i last thing i dun expect is tio posted online without me knowing...

i know its my fault tat tat is like the only pic of us being taken.... i know tat he really wan to hav a decent pic of us... but i just cant look into the camera without feeling lost.... i know i kinda disappointed him with i told him i promise to hav a pic taken before his bday but it didnt happen... thus when i saw the pic online i wasnt angry at him posting... i was only upset i wasnt told... i felt backstab.... multiple times.... since i didnt know it existed in the first place...

kinda dun wanna rmb wat happened... only knew we 'argued' in the morn.... no mood to work the whole day.... told him i dun mind him posting dun delete went to delete it... ask him to post back die die dun wan... felt like challenging me... dunno wats wrong also.... i just wanna be told tats all... and all he cld say was its the only pic... tats like 2 diff issues... y lump it together....

but anyway issue kinda solve.... but sth keep bothering me.... lately we keep having arguments..... kinda too much with the short span of time.... i still rmb i wrote sth about honeymoon period.. we being so lovely dovey etc etc....and now its like tat period is over le.... and most likely im the root cause of it.. and i dun wan this to continue.... yet dunno how to resolve it... haiZz... i dun wanna hurt him further le.... it pains me to see him tio tortured by me.....

a lil ranting.... a lil truth?

2010-01-11T20:58:00.003+08:00

i wanted to type this like days ago... but dun wanna spoil my mood for the weekend... pretty dulan over it...

few days ago was reading up dar's ex's blog.... sth about appreciating her current bf ar.... and how she got to know him had a crush one him blah blah blah etc etc etc.... doesnt really bothers me though.... its her life her decisions.... but wat pisses me off is the comment about she finally decided to break off with my dar to be with her current bf... kns....

i rmb vivdly how much torture he went through during those days where she choose to avoid him... how she wldnt tell him where she was or refuse to meet him.. giving alot of excuses... i rmb dar will call me countless times... bery restless.... dunno where she is.... dunno whom she's with.... to the point i hav to call her just to get an answer for dar..... i rmb how gan jiong dar was... how he wld keep asking me things.... and how awkward for me to answer him....

but on the other hand... i hav to be thankful to her... cos if its not for her..... i wldnt be with dar now... i wldnt hav 8 months of happiness and love.... i wldnt hav tat sense of security tat i yearn.... so ya... without her screwing his life up i wldnt know he meant alot to me.... i wldnt know tat actually i cared for him alot then... i wldnt know tat ima bery much affected by him.....

super emo day....

2010-01-06T23:32:00.003+08:00

sianZz ar.... today is not a good day for anyone at all... ever since i woke up in the morn nth good comes....

morn woke up on tv... channel 8 was showing 早安你好.... was toking about traffic news... didnt really catch wat they're toking... but heard the part about aye tio jam cos got car acc.... just few mins later dar called... nv go work... got into car acc... wth... wats the chances o f tat happening... he didnt say much... only say he's fine.. waiting for police to come etc etc then cut off line le... totally no mood to work.... keep thinking about him... somemore today morn is like freaking busy... no time to do anything else.... boss also dunno is menopause or wat.... keep bugging me... cldnt take it... argued with her....

took half day off.... ran to dar side... dun really believe he oggie..... hav to see it for myself... thankfully not a scratch on him... or else i'll kill tat guy... but dar emo whole day.... keep mumbling about the repair claims for his car and the other person's car.... also about of all times tio acc hav to be now... since next week his class is starting le... alot of inconvenience will be caused... but more so about money issue.... keep saying he'll gonna be bankrupt.... truthfully i dun care whether he's bankrupt or not..... i dun even care whether we got enough lui to get married or wat... just wan him to be safe and sound... tats all.... however i dun blame him if he keep thinking about the claims and everything.... since one of the bugger who bang into his car sped off....(hope he burn in hell....)

at nite he send me hm.... kinda dun wan him to... since it will take longer than usual... and tml he hav to wake up earlier since he bo car..... but really miss him and today i really dun feel like leaving him alone.... on the way back i keep thinking about sth... dar even comment y i look more emo than him.... dun really wanna tell him.... but told him i dun wan wedding dinner or wedding photos... also told him dun need to keep his promise of getting married at wat age.... dun wanna stress him out even further.... he only comment ima silly... lol... think tats the only bright light i see today....

PS: seems tat aft i with u u become bery suay..... if tats the case.......

rolla coaster feelings....

2010-01-04T23:05:00.002+08:00

hmmm... this weekend is a whirlwind for me.... sat went out with dar.... went shopping for his bluetooth(finally getting one~~) then went toy hunting...finally found my WST Transformers(my dear Starscream of course... and its the ghost version!!!) but sadly my pay havnt come.... so....... i shall wait till this weekend... muahaahaaha!!!~~~~ great day.... only hiccup is nite dar hav to fetch his mom...(like rite aft we reach hm... so he's kinda shag...) but basically... a good day....

then ytd i dunno is call wat lah.... can from super happy to drop to the bottom then come back happy again...(kinda tiring for the brain one de leh....) met dar during noon.... planning to go catch a movie... but kinda lua at hm first.... then he went to do sth really stupid and really to me unforgivable.... during tat period of time i wasnt piss or wat.... more of a overwhelming fear came upon me...... i thought i wldnt hav tat fear le... but hell i was wrong.... i literally clammed up.... i only know my mind was blank.... wasnt thinking at all.... wasnt even focusing on anything in the room... just went into like zombie mode or sth.... eventually settled down though....(i dunno how long it lasted....) tat was scary.... to him or to me.... i really really dun wanna face tat again....

we did go for movies... had dinner and stuffs.... wasnt thinking about the previous issue by then.... just try to enjoy the remaining time with him till he sent me home...

end of story: dun mess with my mind.... its already screwed up pretty bad le....

happy new year.....

2010-01-01T23:28:00.002+08:00

oh... finally... new yr liao..... start of new things... start of new thinkings and actions....

NY eve stayed at bf hse... nth much... nv went out or do anything special... i literally spend the whole early nite slping.... from like 930pm till the next morn... just like a normal day for me...

dar at first say go see fireworks... but dunno where... (can still ask me go where to see.... when i already say i dunno) then keep asking me change my clothes... duhZz... nvm... since he say not going out liao change lor... dunno wat he up to also... i keep hearing him click his mouse... dunno wat he looking for online... thus.. since nth to do and not in the mood for anything... just went to slp.... but day still wanna be funny with me.... grrr... really getting on my nerve.... nvm..., finally can slp.....

today woke up with super swollen eyes... think cos ytd spent almost 1 hr weeping(quietly of course) plus only slp in one position(which actually presses down on my nerves)... doesnt bothers me... i expected this to happen... today's schedule.. go dar's aunt hse paint her walls.... spent the whole day there... by the time we're done.. time to fetch his mom.... hmmmm.... kinda sad... new yr hav to do coolie worker.....

basically nth much.... oggie holi for me... nth special nth bad.... normal day....

long time nv go see nite scenery liao le.... miss the lights....

moodless.....

2009-12-29T21:44:00.004+08:00

bad day... nobody understands..... everyone wans things done their way regardless whether the tactic is suitable or not..... anyway.... was reading the forum.... came across this... wonder how true it is.....

30 Things Girls Will Like Their Bf to Do
* 1- touch their waist
* 2- talk to them
* 3- share secrets
* 4- give her your jacket
* 5- kiss them slowly
* 6- hug them
* 7- hold her
* 8- laugh with her
* 9- invite her somewhere
*10- let her be with you when your with your friends
*11- smile with her
*12- take pics with her
*13- pull her onto your lap
*14- when she says she loves you more, deny it.fight back
*15- when her friends says they love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she cant get to her friends. it makes her feel loved
*16- always hug her and say i love you when you see her
*17- kiss her unexpectedly
*18- hug her from behind around the waist
*19- tell her she beautiful not sexy!
*20- tell her the way you feel about her!
*21- kiss her on the lips
*22- dont ask her to buy you stuff. you buy her stuff
*23- trust her , no matter wad .
*24- make her feel loved
*25- buy them stuff. like small things can still help
*26- don't lie to her
*27- dont cheat on her
*28- take her anywhere she wants
*29- txt messege her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her
*30- be there for her when ever she needs
you, & even though she doesn't need you just be there so she'll know that she can always count on you

all i wan for xmas is you....

2009-12-28T22:23:00.005+08:00

woohoo....!!! no need to work since thurs... had a terrific long weekend though ima super sick... stayed over at dar's place for 2 days... enjoyed every moment with him... as dar said... ima totally in 'la la land' for the past few days... i love the lil moments with him... waking up and seeing him the first thing in the morn... before heading to bed wishing him good niteZz and hugging him to slp....

actually..... dun really rmb wat we did... wahhaha~~~ didnt go out during xmas eve or the holi itself... just quietly spend some quality time with him alone at his hse... only rmb he most of the time building gundam... with me by his side(usually half aslp mode).... daydreaming again... just looking at him concentrating on his lil project.... ima so mesmerize by him sia... the more i look at him the more i find him good looking.... think ima still in 'la la land' lor.... or wat ppl say is really true.. women is attracted to men who is serious at work...

btw.... xmas also his bday..... gave him a gift with cards... took some time to think wat to write sia... so many things to say but dunno how to pen it down.... but oggie lah.. manage to write wat i wanted eventually... and he actually like my gift(heng ar... thought he will complain say i waste lui again sia....) i also got xmas present!! gundam unicorn!! yea!!!~~~ love it lots!! will really take my time to build tat... kekeke....

ytd went to science center... go and see the body works exhibition.... grrr... dar keep telling me if i do this or tat... this is now my organs will look like... kaozz... emo de lor... not tat ima not trying to get healthier wat... like tat also can shoot me sia...

anyway... boxing day was our 8th month together... wow... really one blink of an eye time flies like wat sia.... weird though... usually a relationship aft maybe bout 6 months will tend to settle down and act more like 'lao fu lao qi' le.. but we're still in a 'honeymoon' mode leh... dunno y like tat sia..... also dunno izzit a good thing or a bad thing... but.. who cares!!!~~~

oh ya.. ytd dar suddenly asked me... wat made me go look for him yrs back.... actual reason i really dunno wor... just know die die must dig him out from the corners of SG.... dun believe he vanish into thin air then... come to think of it... think he is kinda 'grateful' tat i found him... cos he asked me wat could hav happen to us now if yrs back i didnt manage to find him... another 'if' scenario qus... no answer de lor... diao..... but being a 'pan tang' person... i believe tat heaven is really making fun of us lor... for so many yrs since he moved away and transfer sch.... we're always some wat nearby each other... just tat is always 'cha shen er guo'.... freaky weird if u ask me...

12am le... time to slp.. tml work again.... well.. as least only halfday... seeing dar again tml!!! weee!!!!~~~

mixed feelings....

2009-12-18T15:15:00.004+08:00

ytd dar came over for dinner....(since keep bugging me when he can come over so might as well...) already told him no need to buy anything still insist.... haiZz... nv learn de... anyway... my mom nv comment anything aft he left... so.... dunno wats she's thinking ATM.... but i think she dun hav anything to complain ba... cos if she dun like she wldnt even agreed to let him come my hse to makan de lor...

they didnt tok... (or maybe a few words when i disappear into the room for awhile.. tat i dunno liao) hmmm... dunno wat my dar is thinking rite now regarding this... think he think my family's weird or sth... everyone hides in one corner of the hse de... wahhaha!!!

dunno its a good thing or bad thing leh... dunno wat the both of them is thinking lor... i like kanna stuck in the middle... (not a good thing wor...)

will see how it goes...

assured.....

2009-12-17T00:50:00.002+08:00

my back is killing me... need painkillers le... siao liao... how to work like tat.... haiZz... think MC tml liao lor....

dar been telling me stuffs... first is ask me go get my braces... then sth bout i hav to take photo... hav to wear dress... cannot run de... i hear liao totally blur... dunno wat the hell he was toking then... ask him still can tell me to go think about it... grrr... purposely de lor.... then next moment ask me to ask my mom stuff.... think he trying to assure me ba.... well... its working... ima not tat jumpy.... I'll just let him handle ba... he knows when's the most appropriate time ba...shall try not to be too sensitive over it le....

will enjoy every moment with him... even its for tat 20 mins......

feeling weird...

2009-12-15T00:36:00.003+08:00

shag... back ache... think need tranxene again... well at least tml took leave... but no rest... time to see grandmom... maybe head down to see dad also... long time no see him le... miss him alot... good side is i get to see dar tml from aftn... kekekeke... missing him already even if though he fetched me from work just now... *blush.. wats wrong with me...*

lately keep over thinking things... about him.... i just dun get it... ima stubborn, bad tempered, spoilt(in a way), narrow minded at times... why of all ppl he pick me... and this isnt the main qus anyway... tat day actually wanna ask him de... but in the car i keep gagging... and the things he said... made me gagged even more... dunno why i keep thinking of such things..... i dun think its about being insecure... itsa more of.... finding out wats in his mind... wat was he thinking back then... why does he make tat decision... thinking back... maybe to him itsa normal... but kinda sudden for me....

another stupid issue in my mind... as usual... bio clock ticking.... faster now... kinda even MORE emo when i hear frs or relatives getting married.... i dun hav much time left... i got alot of things to plan... alot of things tat needs time.... and ima nearing 30... hello~~!!! dun wish to be an overage bride or mom!!~~ but as usual again.... cant do much.... so... just silently wait and see how it goes ba...

having mixed feelings... i hav the feeling tat i always wanna be with him.. i cant stand being alone... just need him by my side... just wanna wake up everyday and see his face first thing in the morn... yet i sometimes feels distant... maybe cos thinking diff ba... priorities diff ba... but nth is perfect lor... just hav to slowly work things out ba....

130am... time to slp... slp early wake up early can see him early le...

half moon feeling.....

2009-12-10T21:25:00.004+08:00

sebei sianZzz... mood not good... alot of stupid issues popping up... especially at work... argh.... faster weekend lah... get over and done with.... sick and tired of lame phone calls.... brainless qus....

also heard alot of 'undesirable' answers from diff ppl.... urgh.... fed up.... like nobody is using their brains at all.... nobody is actually planning for anything..... or dun think its necessary to think about it now..... ya... dun think ba... dun last min rush everything and panic.... grrr~~~ dun think now then when go and really go ponder over it... i dun even know wat these ppl are doing ATM.... dun wanna plan for future.... or izzit i getting over paranoid compared to them....

at least i already scheduled myself for dental appt next month... braces time... gonna save up like mad for it(heng the first installment is not in thousands de)....... then by the time itsa done just nice(hopefully not more than 2.5yrs)... tat day also just check my CFP... sebei pathetic... haiZz... nvm... already calculated everything... not enough heng got lui in bank to tong(but shd be enough).... but anyway.... doesnt matter... say so much also no use de lah... i also dun wanna do anything liao... let nature take its course lah... say too much say i naggy... so just shut up and quietly do my work and other shit lah....

btw... alot of ppl getting married sia... steph ROM this month.. my colleague is ROMing on Feb... my sec sch buddy just ROM..... siao liao lah.. my wallet getting thin liao lor.... die... how to save lui sia... and all of them are getting married at the age tat i wanna get married... wahahah... not possible for me liao lor..... haiZz... dun wanna think about this le lah... think liao i more emo... can only say its never gonna be my turn lah...

emo emo emo....

2009-12-07T22:01:00.002+08:00

can u be meggie?

EMO!!! DAR GOING FOR RESERVIST!! gonna be lonely.... for this week... oggie lah.. at least he booking out before the weekends.... so.... still can see him... lol... will wait anxiously everyday.. hopefully it passes quick!!!~~

this month gonna be another month of spending like siao... sebei sian lor... like tat how to save lui for braces...(jan got appt nia... heng only for normal consultation first... but still... got target date de leh.....) plus other things to think about... suddenly like not enough lui to get the stuff needed... haiZz... work harder ba.... things will turn out well de... eventually.... (thinking hard about CPF.... stress....!!!)

hmmm... having random thoughts.... again...(why... cannot izzit...) being together for almost 8 months le... time really flies... i still rmb the KTV incident vividly wor.... kinda miss tat day...(ya... we look extremely weird in other ppls' eyes then) wahahah.. the way u so *ahem ahem* shall i say it as gan jiong?? or totally lost... priceless moments sia.... but no matter... days are getting sweeter with each passing day.... loving him and cherishing him more with each passing moment with him.... 好想永远跟你在一起.....

counting down the days needed to pass before that happens.........

thinking.... thinking.... thoughts....

2009-11-30T00:35:00.004+08:00

long time nv post... busy with work cum other stuff... my weekends are all not for enjoyments... either is helping dar with his sis wedding.... or with his 'new' room.... or cleaning my room up(which till now is not yet finish... sianZz...) even i took leave also like not for resting de... till i got super bad mood swing... one moment happy the next min totally change into thunderstorm.... as i said before lah..... this month ar..... suai lah... work like dog like tat.... 24 hrs also not enough...

super stressed up.... till the point i rant like crazy... every lil thing i complain... nag... the time i spend with dar is always not only the two of us... or suddenly got sth cock up.. hav to go settle... our own schedule hav to be compromised... sebei sian de lor like tat... like wats the point of meeting u when i hav to go settle other things... i forgo my own stuff to meet u yet i hav to cut short those times for the lil cock up....

but... oggie lah.... got silver lining... for the past 3 days no cock ups... no stuff to settle... finally can meet up 'normally'.... really enjoyed myself for the past 3 days... all my pent up anger all gone liao... i get to spend every min with dar alone... weee!!~~~ and every nite when he send me hm i really dun bear to go off... i wish nv to end the day at all.... wan to last as long as possible...

btw... nearing dec le... means his bday coming soon... hmmm... dunno wat the plan be...(as usual.. might hav cock ups... doesnt matter.. kinda used to it liao lor...)was thinking about the promise i made to him... die lah... got 4 weeks to realize it... dunno when sia.... still gonna ponder over it.... but ima so gonna get a new wallet for him.... i cant stand his wallet~!!!(i dun care ar... dun complain if i buy for u~~)

however..... think ima gonna hav mixed feelings this month... just hav an uneasy feeling towards it.... maybe ima thinking too much again... hope dar dun go paranoid over it again....

sidenote:
these 2 days keep thinking about the happening during this month... feel bad for dar... keep scolding him for no reason just cos of my mood swings... ima really bery sorry....

also... keep 'daydreaming' about us... just cldnt stop smiling.... wanted to ask a stupid qus to him today but didnt... wahhahah!!! oh well.. there's always another time to ask....

PS: will always love u... care for u... think about u.... i'll always be there for u.... regardless wat happens...

feeling bad... feeling sad... feeling troubled...

2009-11-12T19:46:00.003+08:00

sian... ytd cover for colleague AGAIN.... shit lah... ytd suppose to be on leave de lor... hav to rush to work... KNS... while work i was so pissed... plus my hp super low on batt... (i panic when my hp no batt de) then i just buay tahan liao lor... snap at dar.... he of course buay song lah...

sebei suai lah... ytd whole day not a good day.... my mind simply snap... while during break i just sat at my seat staring at the ceiling... and i was thinking... y is all this shit happening to me... being busy is one thing.... but to be so stressed out till to the brink... and keep kanna snap by almost every single person i tried to help.... as though ima not trying to accommodate to everyone's demands liao.. to the point where it sacrifices my own things my own time my own priorities... i just get the idea of ppl getting greedy... its nv enough for them... its always not good enough or too little of it.... ppl just wan results.. dun wanna see the effort been put into it.. then wats the point of me trying so hard in the first place... i might as well just heck care everything or just do everything halfheartedly...

during break sitting there... i really cldnt take it liao... super depress... no one seem to understand the shit ima going through... almost break down... hav to psycho myself tat later hav to work... hav to tahan tat few hrs more.... then hp went dead... great... just when i was smsing dar about how i going hm.... knn.... eventually he fetch me back... not in good mood plus super tired plus not on the same page with him didnt tok to him..... i fell aslp in his car bery fast also... reach hm also nv tok much to him... only hugged him before i head into my hse...

felt bad for him cos i know he's showing concern towards me yet i snap at him.... but i sometimes think tat when ppl are in a bad mood its better to give them space to settle themselves down... or else sure will hav conflicts... somemore ima not like him... i deal with things differently compare to him... ya sure ima hot tempered but i do hav a limit of tolerance... when i say dun bother me so much i meant it... i dun wanna snap at ppl just cos ima frustrated over my stuffs...

tired... gonna rest.. working tml... gonna take leave or mc...

kitty need a nice long undisturbed nap....

2009-11-12T18:34:00.004+08:00

wah seh... from 28 oct till 11 nov i busy like shit like tat... for the first time in my life ar... i really think tat having 24 hrs a day is not enough sia.... (thinking ima such a slack person)

everyday work liao tabao food back for mom... do some cleaning at hm before heading back to bro hse.. by tat time will be like 10 plus... bath liao eat liao 11plus... nv even touch the tv or lappy i slp... shag sia... not to mention out of these days i hav to cover my colleague for at least 5 days... wth lah... as though i made of metal or stone meh... dying soon liao le lor... body damn shag liao lor... gonna rest and enjoy during the coming weekends....

sebei emo also... i how many days busy equals to how many days nv really tok to dar... even tok to him my mood also not bery good... frustrating during the whole period... my mind is overloading with issues... reno... work... worried over my mom alone at hm... worried over my laogong... body system failing...(so stress tat my menses is bery late... hair is dropping.. die liao lah) and there is always nv ending this for me to do... always got backlog of crap for me to finish... a human can only tahan this much... i really REALLY going crazy... gonna hav mental break down soon liao lah....

ma lai si ya ~~

2009-11-12T17:31:00.003+08:00

woohoo... going malaysia... (oggie fine... only a short trip... duhZz) this is like the 2nd trip 'overseas'... ya i know.... pathetic... but hey.... it beats those ppl who really nv hav he chance to go overseas hor... be grateful.... and going with dar dar... kekeke... think he also happy lor...

so basically went with laogong and a group of his frs.... kinda stupid though... he was to help his fr/colleague? move hse from SG to MY.... then since like tat he ask me to follow along... can jalan abit aft helping... somemore got locals to bring us... not scared tio lost or wat....

but one thing i bery buay song is tat at first say its one a sun... then last min change to sat... then nvm.. still hav to be like evening time... wth... i busy with work reno coming to and fro 2 hses and still give me such shitty timing ar?? wat to do... i was also wondering y in the hell dar agreed to help him... i mean... he's busy with his work and studies plus the upcoming ippt and reservist... not to mention his sis's wedding is around the corner.... got so much time meh?

my new passport... old one was expired.... biometric passport!!~~ can use liao~~

happy tat the person use the FIRST PAGE of the passport...
or else ar... i sure dulan one...

anyway.... the day's 'schedule':
went to work in the morn.. then head back to my hse for like 2 hrs....(might as well dun go back...) make me rush like mad.. not to mention the constant nagging by the all mighty mom... then got fetched by dar... went back to his place cos he need to change, get his passport and put his lappy.... met one fr at 4 at plus at his work place(jurong shipyard... the bangalas there... OMG... scary....) then go get tat bugger at... err... wats tat place call?? tao ching? or was it tah ching... dun rmb.. aiya... somewhere near lakeside lah... finally and head to causeway 2nd link... (bloody hell.. wanna move a 42 inch lcd tv... diao.... i nth to say ar.... cant complain....)

destination: gelang patah... exact location... i dunno... wahhaha.... aft moving all the stuff over headed to a shopping mall... dun expect me to know where it is... think nearing JB ba... kinda lost liao... bought some stuff back.. then head to a 'eatery'.... seafood... hmm... the food really not bad... can go back for seconds.... got to watch channel U while eating... wahhaha... i rmb got chen wei lian...(i long time no watch tv le!!!) sat there chit chat abit... then lua abit... think i and dar left MS like 10 plus... reach back his place at like 11 plus... bath liao straight go meet zhou gong for chess session liao lor...

itsa tiring day for me actually... cos its like during the reno period.... i already not enough slp etc etc.... but overall its a nice experience for me lah... gelang patah the place like bery slack mode... the ppl there like hav the happy go lucky mentality... and along the way to and fro there... the whole place to me like a giant kampong.... wahahha... one thing i really cant get use to is tat the road ar.... one whole stretch bo street lights de.... and dar still can tease me about it... oggie lah.. i sua ku can or not... duhZz....

hmmm... wondering when will i head out with dar again....

ten odds days of being a immigrant...

2009-11-12T16:56:00.004+08:00

during the whole reno period went to stay at bro hse....(at fernvale... sendkang area...) bloody hell... hav to pack so many things over...(wat to do.. ger mah... so many bo liao things to bring) brought over like 3 big bags of crap.... living there was oggie... only prob is in the middle of the nite is freaking cold!!! every single nite i will wake up cos ima shivering... dun even need to on the fan sia....

going to work is a breeze actually... lol... no need wait for bus... but the LRT... my god... wanna cry sia... to me like so scary(ima afraid of heights) and the track... so narrow... every time i inside the cabin ar... like wanna fall off the track de... even worse when its moving fast... like roller coaster ride sia....

but hor~~~ got 2 days i stayed at laogong place... kekeke.... (happy liao lah... can tick ur wish list liao lah....) happy for him happy for me also... during the whole period of the reno time... literally no time to pei him at all... dun even hav the time to tok on the phone or msn with him since by the time i reach hm... ima freaking tired... before 12 i will fall aslp lor....... so during tat 2 days kinda like the sought out one on one time with him.... i miss those times already.... emo... when will be the next time......

the view from bro's guest room... the park at nite....

last final look... final salute!!~~

2009-11-12T16:39:00.001+08:00

few more days my old toilets are no more... last look at them... from wat i know my unit is the last one to do along my corridor... so all my neighbours come over see the toilets... last chance liao... aft which is bye bye!!! will miss ya!!!~~ though u're dirty and disgusting... u both hav serve us well enough for the past 30 yrs liao.... wahhaha... anyway... my both toilets are disgusting lah hor... dun vomit.... (wat to do.. use near 30 yrs liao lor...)

my room toilet... eeeeuuuuu.....

kitchen toilet.... faints*

finally!! renovating my toilets!!

2009-11-12T16:36:00.000+08:00

yeah~~ aft waiting for SSSOOOOO LLLOOONNNGGGG.... finally its my unit's turn to 'upgrade' the toilets... damn.... so many things to do..... weeks before they come do hav to wrap the whole hse up... sian lor... pack everything... wrap everything... hide everything...(my mom went to 'hide' my TF vcds.... now dunno where liao.. sad!!)

already move almost all my toys over to my bros hse... now only left like the bulky fixtures and fittings...(mainly the shelves and big plastic drawers etc etc.... wat to do.. my mom like garang guni... everything also wanna keep....) anyway... gonna just dump all onto the bed and cover them up... too lazy to really find place to put them.... my whole hse looks like a crime scene or sth like tat.... everything like tio tagged... cannot touch... sad man...

the sad sad pics of my crime scene hse....

my freaking room.... like shit sia....

the living(or dead) room....

kitchen....

heng ima staying at bro place for those 10 odd days... or else i surely die from all the dust inhalation...

sec day of reno...

2009-11-12T16:35:00.000+08:00

oggie.... just one day before the reno starts i move to bro hse... so..... wat shit happens on the first day i dunno.. i only know itsa damn dirty cos of the dust and cement/tile ripping.... went back on the sec day... look see look see abit... also tabao food for mom... she nv really eaten a proper meal since the first day....

the kitchen main water pipe...

where my kitchen sink go?

kitchen toilet ceiling....

kitchen toilet floor...

my room toilet ceiling area...

toilet flooring....

third day... cementing day~~

2009-11-12T16:33:00.002+08:00

oggie... nth much happens today...same thing... tabao food back... took a peep on wats happening to the toilets... apparently they just cement the flooring only... nth much... wahhaha....

room toilet...

kitchen toilet....

oggie... i was bored... so took these 2 pics directly downwards from the kitchen window...

day dunno wat... kinda lost count...

2009-11-12T16:33:00.001+08:00

really starting to dun rmb dates liao... imagine... work then rush to hm.. then rush back to bro hse... shag sia... somemore ppl who knows me all know tat i slp usually at 2am... but lately i 11 plus i gone liao... wahahah.... body and mind like gonna cant tahan liao lor... anyway... tiling of the walls and flooring.... not done in one day... on diff dates....

my room de... blue blue blue!!! yeah!!

kitchen toilet... beige... wat to do... mom wans this colour.... eekkk...

amost done!!~~~

2009-11-12T16:32:00.001+08:00

i only rmb i was a thurs... took leave to supervise them.... super dirty!! ARGH!!! but oggie lah... my toilets are completing liao lor... just a few more other minor things these ppl can get lost liao and i can get my room back....

near completion look: my toilet.... nice!

kitchen toilet...

heading to lala land~~

2009-10-26T22:56:00.005+08:00

Sun was jenn's wedding dinner... went with dar... wah liao... he go wear shirt!!(my weak spot~~) i see him i lua liao... dun dare look directly at him sia.... keep looking at other places while toking to him... and he was teasing me about it... damn him!!~~ he look so shuai~~ (heng he not working in business sector... i cant imagine if i meet him aft work for dinner or wat sia... sure everyday go hm with weak legs de lor....) thinking back at the time i saw him wore tat while web cam-ing with him... *ahem ahem... no comment ya?*

today is 拍拖 half yr le.... didnt do much lah... only went to a jap restaurant for dinner... (y spend so much!!~~ i see the receipt i also heart pain ar....) dunno y dar wanna bring me to such place for wat... i dun need to eat good food wat... i just wanna hav dinner with u.... tat simple.... i dun ask for much when it comes to such thing de wat... but i think dar just wanna do sth 'special' ba....

come to think of it... already half yr le... dunno is call fast or slow...i keep thinking we're like just together... how time flies... wahhaha.... (does it mean u left 2 and 1/2 yrs to go??) and for some reason... the more i see him the more ima in love with him.... (and i just cant help myself from looking at him....)*shit... missing him now even when ima on the phone with him at this bery moment...* and the 'way' we got together... simply weird if u ask me... come to think of it.. i shd thank his ex.... thanks for making him feel like shit then hor... thanks for 'tormenting him for those past few days... and finally... thanks for leaving him ar... (yes.. ima being sarcastic here...)

anyway.... i dun wan him to think about those time anymore... he suffer enough liao lah... regardless is tat past r/s or other issues.... i just wan him to be happy now and in the future....

PS:tat day dar told me sth... gave me chills.... he say when he was young also study at my kindergarten.. but dun rmb izzit my class or not... oggie... this is starting to scare me liao.... 没有那么准吧??!!....

PPS: dar.... if u continue to be the way u are rite now... 我会死在你的手里的~~

loving you daily....

2009-10-19T22:28:00.007+08:00

happy... happy happy happy... kekekek.... ytd went out with dar....(just for movie lah.. nth much...) able to hold his hand... able to hug him... able to kiss him... sebei happy sia~~~(suddenly i think i bery easily contented de leh...) i feel like i super long time no see him le lor... now everytime i see him i always think he getting more and more yandao.. wahahah... die lah.. if really like tat then how sia... is i getting crazy or if its true got gers like him how ar??!!!

anyway i notice one thing... really REALLY long time nv take bus or mrt with him le... kinda miss those days where we just stood by each other... hugging each other while waiting for our stop... well.. got pros and cons lah... got car...means can spend time with each other longer.... since can go back later compared to if hav to take mrt.... taking bus rides... another form of experience... (i dun really care wat form lah... just wanna know he's beside me can le...)

just now was toking to him on the phone... went to ask him... when he was with his ex gf.... whether he got like other gers or not... can give me straight answer no... wahahah... dunno leh... he is aft all... a GUY... WAHAHA!!! but i ask tat as a general qus..... curious only... dun wan him to get the 'wrong' idea tat ima thinking of sth at the back of my head...

btw!! today was toking to joey... she was toking about her 'family planning'.... wanna hav another child or sth... tat sets me thinking also... min 2 kids.. max 3 kids... 1 boy 1 ger.. or 2 boys 1 ger... which brings to the issue of my age... when shd i hav kids... when shd i stop having kids.... with tat... when shd i get married... when aft married shd i hav my first child... hmmm... no matter how i calculate also like wrong de... getting old... kinda like no time to spare le... time is ticking... (die.. if i continue to think about it... my bio clock gonna go hay wire again...) but hor.. such things cant rush also.. it not like i wan will get it... and its not like MY issue only... aiya... see how lah... dunno how to approach this issue also lor... i shall set this thing aside first ba...

oh ya... next mon is anniversary... dunno wat to get or do tat day... hopefully he dun go crazy and spend alot... even if we just sat by the beach and do absolutely nth i also oggie de.... (anything is fine with me... i dun wan u to spurge on me... dun u dare buy unicorn for me.. i will fan lian de.... just wan u can le...)

anyway~~ gonna go slp le.. wait dar dar scold me again ar~~ tml got work!!

PS: really lah... i really STILL dun get y u like me... ima oddball...

clueless....

2009-10-15T20:57:00.003+08:00

sian... dunno wat to do sia... freaking lost... see him work till like siao... immune system also like failing him.... i see liao also heart pain.... cant do much also... i dun wanna see him so shag... i dun wan him to work so hard....(somemore is other ppl's crap...) i know he's bery responsible person(maybe too responsible...) i cant stop him if he insist of finishing his work or wat.... but ima bery concern about him.....

furthermore, whenever i say things to him like fail to deaf ears.... plus cos is his working pattern lately i keep throwing tantrums at him... ima not trying to make his life hard or wat... ima not trying to be difficult also... i just think tat work is only one aspect in life.. no need to input almost 24 hrs into it... neglecting all other things in life...(not toking about me rite now...) y is he 'tormenting' himself so much... i really dun mind is he has no time for me.... but not when its no time to even rest for himself... or get ready for his upcoming exams...

ima really at a loss rite now... i dunno how to deal with this whole thing le.... everytime i hear his voice on the phone i feel sad.. i feel pain... i just wanna cry knowing i cant do anything for him.... i just wan him to be happy and support him....

restless....

2009-10-10T00:19:00.002+08:00

still feeling unwell... now even more sian.... just 2 days aft i tio go hospital... dar's sis is also vomiting hav having diarrhoea... she's now still at NUH.... haiZz... dunno wats wrong with her also... only know tat dar is sitting outside waiting for her....(hope's she well...) with the air con on full blast... was sneezing like mad when i was toking to him...(he sound super tired...)

kinda worried for dar.... this week he's really shag... now.. with the 2 'early' trips to the hospital... i dunno how much longer he can tahan before it's his turn to fall ill... somemore he tml cfm hav to ot again...(being having ot plus classes for the whole week... plus today got test...) haiZz... i really hope he's fine... i dun wanna see him suffer leh...

PS: u like tat how i slp.....

sick sick sick~~~

2009-10-08T15:21:00.002+08:00

jialat sia... ytd tio food poisoning... tio drip somemore... wanna die liao.. vomit like no tml... diarrhoea like wat like tat... wanna cry dunno how many times liao lor.... dar hav to bring me to the dreaded place again... super sianZz... (feel bad for him... he has to take urgent leave again.. plus spend lui for the consultation....)

but i feel so loved... he took care of me the whole day....(though most of the time i was slping due to the med....) can see he's damn worried about me.... sorry dar... i wldnt eat chicken rice le... ima so touched by his actions throughout the whole day ytd... i will appreciate and love u even more~~

PS: back to med taking and slping time... urgh.....

loving each day

2009-10-04T23:58:00.002+08:00

nth much happens these 2 days... ytd was mid Autumn fest... pei bf awhile then went hm earlier to help mom pray... (finally persuade her to let me stay at bro hse during the toilet renovation works...) woohoo!! time alone.. without other ppl disturbing me!!! (hmmm.. maybe one or 2 days can stay over at bf hse also... kekekek~~)

today went bf hse early... send his mom to work... slp for like 2 hrs... then while dar study for his CA...(he's freaking mad over one qus which took him like 2 hrs to finish) i was building my bibifly..(sorry.. forgot to take pics of progress....) but anyway... though did nth much today ima contented... as long as got time to spend with him.. can see him can le... i dun ask for much... but today i see him so frustrated over his mugging... and i cant help him also.... kinda feel bad... dunno how to cheer him up lor... i can only try not to disturb him as much as possible... hope he dun feel tat ima not caring enough... haiZz... emo sia...

kitty thoughts:
Oct now.. so fast nearing six month anniversary liao.... dun think will be doing anything... somemore it falls on a weekday... double sian... waahahah... already thinking wat to get for him liao... as for me.. i really cant think of anything i wan wor.... (or maybe cos the things i wan is exp.... wahahah!!!)

130am liao... slp time.. tml work.. urgh!!! i wan see laogong!

delighted week....

2009-10-01T22:59:00.002+08:00

it has been a pretty good few days... been spending quite a few days with dar... including ytd...(finally... one day with only the two of us with no one to bother us at all...) he's weird though... so like a kid... and keep saying weird things... *hmmm... did u did sth outside i dunno har?* anyway... i enjoyed myself... long time nv like tat le... though only lasted a few hrs... ima super happy~~ hopefully in the future also will hav such good times(even if its for 2 hrs... pls~)

btw... for some reason when i met up with dar ytd.... he looks skinny... like slim down alot... especially his face lor... i can see his cheek bones liao.... i dunno wats wrong with me or him sia... izzit he stress over work/sch/sis's wedding or just me getting paranoid over him not eating or just missing him too much le.... dunno lah... as long as he's healthy and not over exerting himself can le.....

kitty thoughts:
hmmm.... tat day dar ask me when exactly did i start to like him... wah... diff to answer leh.. cos i myself also dunno when wor.... i only know before we're together he's an impt fr... i respect him alot...(mind u... when someone has my respect.. i listen to tat person de...) and i also know during tat time i already warn him le...(i knowing my own pattern... sure die one) but wat to do... he dun listen... still action so many.... i die in his hands liao lor...

i know ima getting more comfortable with him... (5 months liao hor.. not comfortable then really sth wrong with me le lor...) i like being with him all the time... i dun bear to see his suffer... i dun wan him to be sad... one look at him i feel genuinely happy... i like the way he is and i like tat he accepts who i am... i find him extremely cute... even if he's not doing anything... i find him intelligent even though i he's acting dumb most of the time... ima just happy to be able to find him again....

kitty's out of this world thoughts:
frs for 4 yrs.... lost contact for almost 13 yrs... hardly even contact even found each other... understands each other even dun explain much... being there when we need someone... being comfortable without even knowing... liking each other without knowing... till together....

hmmm.... complicate if u ask me.... y is all these things happening throughout these yrs... *notice the lil bow knot on the red string?* wonder wat will happen next... will it be good or bad..... wat is our dear Mr Yue Lao planning for us next??

i hate lunar 8th month

2009-09-23T00:05:00.000+08:00

haiZz... its the time of the year again... sebei sian... do everything also in half mood mode... even smile also lazy to do so... super silent mood swings... more frequent space outs.... not to mention for some weird reason.. every year lunar 8th month is not a good month for me.. cfm got things to screw me up or someone step on my tail de.... retribution sia...(sth like a slap on the face every single freaking year!!!)

tat day hav to pray death anniv... kaoZz... so dun wanna join in the 'fun'.... not tat ima being mean or wat... is i dun 'recognize' the issue in anyway...(ya.. aft so long still dun wanna face it...) every freaking year do this its like a reminder to all the 'yuan qu' tat i hav to withstand and all the promises i hav to uphold....(shit de lor.... so dun wanna do it!!)

anyway~~~ ytd went ktv with laogong... Elaine Audrey brown Michelle and Timo... dunno y.. they keep choosing those emo songs which tells the story about a guy or a ger missing the other half... or they parted but the party actually dun wan... tmd... super dun wanna hear it... sebei emo de lor... mind start to wander again lor...(actually before ytd already mind wander to dunno where liao lah...) i keep thinking about the 'wat if...' qus... aiya... i think i better brain wash myself... dun think about anything lah.. the more i think the worse i get...

thoughts in my head currently:
i know the logic behind 'the person u marry usually is not the one u truly love'....
but my logic is 'i will only marry someone whom i truly and dearly love'
hmmm... doesnt seems fair to me.......

day dreaming

2009-09-18T12:01:00.005+08:00

at work now.. lunch time... whole morn doing key ins... see the amount till i wanna slp liao... wahhaha... sianZz.. aftn still got shit to clear.. like nv ending de lor... then tml half day.... next coming mon is public holi.. shit sia... i hav a feeling cant finish work... NVM... will hav a wat de!!!

ytd was toking to steph regarding some 'bad issues' with hui... wth... i didnt know she turn till like tat... like... ditch frs nvm.. before ditching still wanna spread rumors or make them hav bad reputation... was the point in this sia.. so old liao.. still wanna play such mind games... dunno wat they all up to also lah... not my prob also... wahhaha....

ima feeling weird today.. ever since i wake up in the morn i keep thinking about dar... just cldnt get his image out of my head...(can u imagine i on bus the whole trip was like in lala land smiling away....) sian.. miss dar... sun gonna be busy day for me also... hav to pray daddy...(i detest this... i dun wanna do it!!) means i dun hav much time with dar... dang~ sebei sad liao lor... i wan my jiang shi lao gong~~~~

PS: missing and loving more with each day wor!! how ar??~~

smooth sailing~ machiam holiday~

2009-09-17T00:34:00.003+08:00

super great week... nth much to do... whahaha!!! holiday!!~~

this week up till now quite eventful... became a baby sitter for Zanden(Joey's 3 yr old son).... he's a oggie kid... only once awhile stick in a shop reluctant to go only... hav to coax him to leave or else he can say bye bye to joey liao... wahahhah!!!!

next thing... boss not around for one week since 15th... woohoo!!!~~ shiok sia~~ though still hav to go 'work' but can slack sia...(err.. actually my own shit havnt clear... wahahaah!!!) and today(16th) i nv go work.... whahha... pei dar whole day till like near 11pm... did nth much... whole day stay at his hse slp and play with my lappie... had breakfast and dinner(with his family)

only thing ima piss off with him is he take my pic... as though he dunno i hate taking pics... (well.. maybe he dunno y i hate taking them... but i already warn all my frs not to take pics of me liao) nvm.. since he complain he dun hav my pic(sound so kelian...) i told him weekend go take liao...

mood pretty good.. kekekek.... lets see wat will happen during the remaining week ba!~

PS: its not i become more daring or wat... its cos ima loving u more with each passing day.... and i dun wanna leave u...

qus....

2009-09-13T23:00:00.002+08:00

today met dar rite aft i wake up... went to get some stuff for his car plus other things... makan chilli noodles...(with his shd i say cadet mates? btw.. i wasnt told whether they metting us or not till i went to the table....) then went back to his hse to watch some anime.... got some slp(dar getting bolder each day huh??) aftwhich he wans to go jogging...

i was using his lappie.... surfing my own shit webbies for updates and other crap... as the main tab was his inbox... i was kpo-ing around(oggie... i know its wrong but i didnt go open every mail... but still sorry about it....) oggie.... was poking my nose when i notice an email in chinese(come on lah... Wats the % of ppl sending a chinese email....) just read abit nia... nv bother to scroll much also.. was more interested in my own webbie issues.....

but anyway~~ aft browsing tat mail... wah sian half liao... i also dunno y.... just dun feel like doing anything.... my mind whole remaining day only got one word - regrets?..... i keep thinking wat he's thinking.... etc etc etc... Wat's exactly do he wan..... does he hav any regrets regarding to anything... ima like totally spaced out on the way back hm....

watever... tired and slpy... gonna rest le... *nitez lao gong.....*